(Famous) Naked People Everywhere!

September 16th, 2011

(Photo: Courtesy Vanity Fair)

It’s the chicken-egg question of internet celebrity soft porn: Do famous people take naked, “sexy” pictures of themselves on their phone because they believe that fame makes their private parts even more email-able or text-worthy? Or does everyone take pictures of themselves and we just learn about the ones by stars because they were noteworthy before they became notorious?

Before this week, I’d already seen Jamie Foxx, Amber Rose, Ray J, Kim K, Rihanna, Chris Brown, a Project Runway contestant, Kanye, Paris Hilton and a few former Disney stars in the buff. Now I can add Scarlett Johannsen to the list. Sadly, the FBI’s involvement in the case of ScarJo’s nudie pics proves that this was a hack job, not a publicity stunt.

Still, even though she didn’t want the pics to be leaked, celeb nude shots are like crack to an internet user. You have to look. Beyond the notoriety (and for some, the mastabutory appeal) there’s the chance to search for cellulite, blemishes, stretch marks, anything that will make their body look more like ours and less like the PhotoShopped plastic we see on screen and in magazines.

Scarlett Johannsen’s had an endearing quality because she looked as uncomfortable as the rest of us would. While Amber Rose’s XXX-shots seemed almost professionally orchestrated (“bend here, Amber” and “stick your fingers there” or “let’s use those other shoes for this one”), Scarlett’s show her twisted into a position that’s more clumsy than come hither as she tries to show off her breasts, hold a camera, aim and look like a seductress.

Can these pics hurt or harm anyone anymore? Or do we just forget about them the moment a new star is caught with their pants down?

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