(Photo: Maxim)

For anyone who came of age around the time of Purple Rain, you’ve been dealt a disservice. Children of the early 70s, regardless of the fact that Apollonia and co pranced around frigid Minneapolis in lace corsets and panties, covered only by stockings and perhaps a cape, does not mean that this is standard dress for anyone who is not a Can Can Girl. It is only in the world of Prince where beats are funky, men prefer ruffles and the ladies love lingerie.

Seems the editors of this month’s GQ and Maxim.com were raised on a healthy appetite of Prince’s panties-as-outerwear fantasies. How else to explain GQ putting an uncomfortable-looking Michelle Williams in bra and underwear on the cover of the February issue next to the question “Who knew she had this body?” Their sexism would have been more excusable had she not seemed so sad and out of sorts, like a girl whose security blanket was snatched away. Clothes, please, her face seems to say.

Evelyn Lozado, another barely dressed pinup celeb (or perhaps “celeb” is more accurate in her case), has no such look for Maxim.com. Bring it on, her face seems to say in shot after shot of her in the kind of get-up that would leave Prince doing a high kick. Silk, satin, lace, garters, bandeaus and f*ck-me pumps compete for attention with her abs that are as chiseled as a Ken dolls. But her belly isn’t her favorite body part. Says Lozado in the Q&A, she loves her breasts best. Why? “They’re pretty.”

Let’s end with a warning to all the impressionable tweens and teens who stumble upon Lozado’s photo shoot: though there may be a suggestive smile on her face and a come hither look in her eyes, this is not how women dress in real life! Never let anyone with a camera (or anyone named Prince who is outfitted like a Harlequin doll or frilly pirate) convince you that the short track to stardom means showing your La Perlas to the public. Remember, pants are everyone’s best friend.

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