I donâ€™t know what my mother or my best friend wore yesterday, but I do know that after sashaying around Venice in a multi-colored maxi dress, Mrs. Jay-Z moved on to a frilly white bikini in Croatia. I know this because I turned on my computer and logged on to the internet.
I get it, we care what celebrities wear. But every day do we have to be subjected to a story about Beyâ€™s bump? Because I could write those stories myself, months in advance. The headlines would read:
BeyoncĂ© in a Belly-Concealing Dress!
Look at BeyoncĂ©â€™s Growing Stomach!
Beyâ€”Still in Designer Fashionsâ€”Looks Like Sheâ€™s About to Pop
BeyoncĂ© Decorates Her Belly with Butterflies (never mind, I can only write that if Mariah gets pregnant again)
And then, of course, the inevitable one: BeyoncĂ© Debuts Her Post-Baby Body
Because itâ€™s been a few years since middle school sex ed class, a quick refresher: when a lady (even a famous lady known for her sexy, stupendous abs) is pregnant, she gets a big stomach. After about nine months, she has the baby and then, unless she is Lauryn Hill or Angelina Jolie, she has a slightly-bigger-than-normal stomach for awhile. So what is happening to BeyoncĂ© is not newsâ€”it ceased being news from the moment she showed us her stomach at the MTV Awards. What weâ€™re witnessing now is just biology.
What will be news is if Miss Tina starts a Knowles line of onesies and baby gear. Otherwise, hereâ€™s to the Knowles-Carters having a healthy pregnancy and to me not having to share every outfit, baby kick and utterance from the mama-to-be.