I don‚Äôt know what my mother or my best friend wore yesterday, but I do know that after sashaying around Venice in a multi-colored maxi dress, Mrs. Jay-Z moved on to a frilly white bikini in Croatia. I know this because I turned on my computer and logged on to the internet.
I get it, we care what celebrities wear. But every day do we have to be subjected to a story about Bey‚Äôs bump? Because I could write those stories myself, months in advance. The headlines would read:
Beyonc√© in a Belly-Concealing Dress!
Look at Beyonc√©‚Äôs Growing Stomach!
Bey‚ÄĒStill in Designer Fashions‚ÄĒLooks Like She‚Äôs About to Pop
Beyonc√© Decorates Her Belly with Butterflies (never mind, I can only write that if Mariah gets pregnant again)
And then, of course, the inevitable one: Beyonc√© Debuts Her Post-Baby Body
Because it‚Äôs been a few years since middle school sex ed class, a quick refresher: when a lady (even a famous lady known for her sexy, stupendous abs) is pregnant, she gets a big stomach. After about nine months, she has the baby and then, unless she is Lauryn Hill or Angelina Jolie, she has a slightly-bigger-than-normal stomach for awhile. So what is happening to Beyonc√© is not news‚ÄĒit ceased being news from the moment she showed us her stomach at the MTV Awards. What we‚Äôre witnessing now is just biology.
What will be news is if Miss Tina starts a Knowles line of onesies and baby gear. Otherwise, here‚Äôs to the Knowles-Carters having a healthy pregnancy and to me not having to share every outfit, baby kick and utterance from the mama-to-be.