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Movie Review: “Texas Chainsaw 3D”

Published by Clay Cane on Friday, January 4, 2013 at 12:00 am.

(Photo: Lionsgate)

Summary: A follow-up to the 1974 original (even though there was already a follow-up in 1986), a surviving infant of Leatherface’s kin doesn’t know she is related to the family of serial killers. After they all die off, Heather (the beautiful Alexandra Daddario) is now a teenager who is left a massive mansion with only the sadistic Leatherface — her cousin — still kicking. Will Leatherface accept his lil’ cousin and her teen-dream friends or will they get the iconic chainsaw?

Review: Texas Chainsaw 3D is the sixth installment of Leatherface in drag and the absolute worst: illogical plot, bland scares and trite horror flick shenanigans. The pretty people in crisis bounce around in midriffs, boobs jiggling, booties shaking and repeatedly falling while being chased by the chainsaw-yielding madman — if Leatherface were a real person he would chainsaw through any movie studios that tried to give this battered franchise another reboot. Out of respect for all horror fans — leave The Texas Chainsaw Massacre alone!

There is no way to reinvent the story — it has been massacred of any horror movie fun. Actually, the plot of Texas Chainsaw 3D might’ve functioned better if it wasn’t attached to the franchise. Clearly, the creators tried to satisfy the necessities of being connected to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which only resulted in farfetched twists and unexplainable plot holes. For example, if this is the sequel to the 1974 original, then how can the surviving infant be a perky-bosomed gal in her early twenties with horny BFFs? She would be nearly 40!

Texas Chainsaw 3D is Tremaine “Trey Songz” Neverson’s debut film and he gives fans what they want when he pulls a Taylor Lautner and is shirtless in his first scene. Ignoring the bad movie, the “Neighbors Know My Name” singer is a solid actor.  It was wise to get his feet wet in a comfortable supporting role — even if the film is a dud.  There will be more to come from Mr. Songz on the big screen.

That said, Texas Chainsaw 3D is pointless, atrocious on every level and gives horror films a bad name.

Texas Chainsaw 3D is in theaters today.

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