In news as shocking as word of a shooting at a rap concert, it seems Michael Jackson is not the biological father of his precious pasty children.

I know what you’re thinking: How can that be when the resemblance is so uncanny?

Alas, Us magazine has revealed that Michael Jackson’s dermatologist is in fact the biological father of Jackson’s three kids.

If you’re wondering, no that guy isn’t Creole, he’s white. I’m talking white as the cast of The Brady Bunch to be exact.

Take a moment to calm yourself down if you’re overwhelmed by the fact that Jackson’s children having none of the classic Jackson family features is not just a coincidence.

Not to be outdone, TMZ reported that Debbie Rowe isn’t the biological mother of the children. However, her lawyer has since released a statement denying such claims.

None of this is particularly shocking unless you’re blind and thus not reading this anyway. I’m sure Michael had his reasons for ordering these kids and I’ll just leave it at that.

Source: 1, 2

TAGS: Michael Jackson

Comments (90)