I still can’t believe producers have allowed Paula Abdul to leave American Idol.

I’m not sure what they’re thinking, but if you ask me (and they haven’t, but I’m going to say it anyway) no one can fill Paula’s shoes, prescription, or wine glass.

But, I suppose the show must go on, so if they’re going to replace the musical genius of the show (don’t hate: “Crazy Cool” was a hot song), they might as well go hard.

Here are a couple of names I’ve thought of to replace Paula The Great.

1. MC Skat Kat

Look, I love Paula, too, but if you’re old enough to remember the video for “Opposites Attract,” you know the cat stole the show. With lines like, “Swift and sly and I’m playing it cool, with my homegirl, Paula Abdul,” I can’t help but think about all of the gems that may come out of his mouth.

Watch out, Sheree Whitfield.

2. One of Prince’s sidekicks.

We can go with Sheila E! who actually has musical talent and knows what it’s like to at least have one big hit.

There’s Vanity, who can claim that one hit wonder bragging right herself, but as someone who’s been in a few movies, can share a little more insight into being a well rounded pop star. Only problem is she’s like all saved now, so the Christian Vanity is likely not as entertaining as the heathen one.

And I can’t forget about my girl Appolonia. I’d give anything to hear one of the goodie goodie contestants perform “Sex Shooter.”

3. Jennifer Lopez

She’s this decade’s answer to Paula Abdul anyway.

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Word is out that Paula Abdul is not happy with her post at American Idol, and if producers don’t renegotiate her contract favorably, she may not return to the show as a judge.

Auditions for the ninth season are scheduled to start Aug. 6 and according to Abdul’s manager, she still doesn’t have a proposal for a new contract from FremantleMedia and 19 Entertainment, the production companies behind the show. The new season is scheduled to premiere in January.

According to the LA Times “Idol Tracker” blog, Idol host Ryan Seacrest just signed a deal worth a reported $45 million that will keep him on the job for at least the next three years, doubling his salary. Meanwhile, Simon Cowell has a contract that expires next year and is jockeying for a reported $144 million, a figure for which Cowell hasn’t confirmed but says talks are ongoing, and Randy Jackson is booked through 2011.

Whether the newest judge, Kara DioGuardi will return or not is still up in the air. But if these reports are true, it sounds like Abdul isn’t being valued as much as other judges. I think Idol’s sister show, So You Think You Can Dance has better judges anyway, but I digress. The truth is, Paula Abdul has always been the weakest link. She became known as the nice judge, but nice to a fault. Her critiques were often not thorough and sometimes incoherent. Producers may have tolerated her because she hadn’t demanded anymore money until now, but now that she is, they could be weighing their options, realizing that bringing her back as a judge may not be a priority.

I’m glad that Abdul is fighting for what she thinks is right, because if other judges are successfully upping the ante, then she should too. However, it’s probably just her time to move on. In 2007, she forayed further into reality TV with the Bravo show, Hey Paula, which was unsuccessful, but her manager says she has several ideas for other projects.

I think she’s still marketable but her days as an Idol judge are numbered. She was never a judge that I checked for anyway. What do you think? If she leaves Idol, will her presence be missed?

I think it’s time I develop a British accent and disdain for mediocrity. It pays a lot better than writing.

For all of you American Idol fans who love to hate on Simon Cowell, you’re probably the main reason he will reportedly receive the raise of a lifetime.

Indeed, Cowell’s salary will jump from $36 million last year to somewhere between $100 and $144 million per year.

It seems American Idol pulls in an estimated $900 million a year and Simon wants a bigger piece of the pie. I personally would kill dreams if producers promised me a Honda or my own Popeye’s franchise. I guess I need to start aiming higher.

Arguably, when I was stuck on the show when it first hit the airwaves, I did mainly turn in to hear Cowell’s slick or in some cases, flat out evil comments. I can understand why he feels he’s owed a bit more as he’s helped build the show’s brand.

Of course, when I do watch the show, I now laugh at Paula Abdul and whatever it is that makes her act as spacey as she does. They should give her a raise, too.

As for Randy Jackson, only give him more money if you can add a clause to his contract that states he can’t say dog every other second anymore.

Ryan Seacrest doesn’t need a raise, though. He’s already got like 18 jobs.

Tell us: Do you think Simon Cowell is worth $100+ million a year?

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It has barely been a week since Arkansas native Kris Allen was crowned 2009’s American Idol, and controversy already ensues. There’s a theory that AT&T, one of the biggest corporate sponsors of American Idol, rigged the outcome of this year’s competition by providing phones for free text messaging services, and lessons in casting blocks of votes at parties organized by fans of Allen.

According to an article published by The Los Angeles Times, American Idol Representatives of AT&T, whose mobile phone network is the only one that can be used to cast Idol votes, via text message, provided the free text-messaging services at two parties in Arkansas after the final performance episode last week (according to the company and people at the events).

There appears to have been no similar efforts to provide free texting services to supporters of runner-up Adam Lambert. Subsequently, frustrated supporters have flooded online chat boards with messages claiming irregularities in the competition’s voting, and have circulated petitions in support of their preferred idol, not to force Allen out of the title, but to urge Fox to “be honest” about the situation.

This is way too much drama for one TV show, especially since it’s not happening in the show, but around it. I don’t think Fox is to blame however, I do suspect Kanye West. That’s right, karma’s a b–ch, and Kanye has taken his revenge on America for laughing at him on South Park. Remember the “Gay Fish Sticks” episode? We all thought Mr. West took it in stride but guess who’s got the last laugh? He’s probably sitting in a diamond encrusted tower somewhere in space looking down on us Earthlings, twiddling his thumbs laughing hysterically and maniacally plotting his next attempt at world domination. Idol was only the beginning. You didn’t think it was a coincidence that Allen remade “Heartless,” did you?

OK, you’re right. I made up that whole scenario but you have to admit, it was a good one. I don’t think voting for Idol is 100% fair in the sense that some people in certain areas probably have a better chance at getting their choices through than others, but I’m not mad that Allen won. It isn’t cool that AT&T allegedly didn’t provide equal opportunity in Lambert’s hometown, but it’s not that serious. At least Kris Allen is justifyably talented.

Kris Allen is officially the eighth American Idol, and seemed shocked that it wasn’t his opponent, Adam Lambert. I think it was Allen’s rendition of Kanye West’s “Heartless” that got America because it was an unusual song choice for him but he performed it the way it initially should have been sung, and showed his talent (and marketability) in a new light. Speaking of unusual, before winners were announced, viewers were treated (or not) to musical mash-ups between Idol castoffs and musical icons. Allison Iraheta performed with Cyndi Lauper (and sounded really good), Danny Gokey and Lionel Richie performed a Richie medley (it was OK), and my favorite was Queen Latifah and Lil Rounds singing “Cue the Rain.” There were times when they seemed a little out of sync, but it was good overall. Both women looked really good too, especially Brick House Latifah. See for yourself:

Though I like him, I didn’t expect to see Kris Allen in the final two of American Idol.

I assumed Pink 2.0 or the Michael McDonald remix would be battling the second coming of glam rock Adam Lambert in the finale.

But I underestimated the power of the J-14 crew who no doubt helped propel Kris all the way to the finals.

Both he and Adam were pitted against each other in three rounds of performances last night.

Adam kicked off the show with a performance that was very much him: energetic and captivating. Yet for once he almost seemed a bit restrained (for him anyway), which gave us the opportunity to pay closer attention to his voice than his theatrics (minus his costume coat).

The always-restrained Kris gave a good effort in the first round as well, but in the second round he seemed to be a bit too blasé during his rendition of “What’s Going On?”

If we were all sitting around a camp fire with the Full House gang, perhaps I would’ve enjoyed it more.

Paula Abdul and think-a-like judge Kara DioGuardi loved it, however. I’ll call them DJ and Stephanie from this day forward.

Adam continued to make me feel like the ’80s will never die in his last performance of the night. He can certainly sing and is quite the performer, but as Randy Jackson once put it, he’s a bit too theatrical for me.

On the other hand, Simon was right in pointing out that Adam is one of the most original contestants in AI history. He possesses a certain oomph that previous contestants took years to develop.

Judging from the thunderous applause from the audience at the end, many seem to see it. Still, Kris has his fans, too, so your guess is as good as mine as to who will win tonight.

Who do you think will be crowned the next American Idol?

The idea of a Paula Abdul comeback isn’t really exciting but it’s still something you would like to see in order to believe. I saw it but I still don’t believe it. In last night’s episode of American Idol, she left her perch as a judge and joined the other side when she hit the stage to perform live. When I say perform live, I mean that she feigned singing while dancing—just like a lot of today’s pop divas who are coincidentally the resurrection of the 80s pop movement from whence Abdul came. Basically, it was nothing new. In case do you plan to buy her album, due out in the Fall, the single is called “I’m Just Here For the Music.”

I guess being an Idol judge was inspiration for the return, but is this really necessary? I don’t think so. However, despite a boring performance, she still has moves and looked great. I’d much rather see her bring back the rapping cartoon cat, but we can’t always get what we want. I wonder what Simon was thinking.

P.S. Allison Iraheta got the axe.

Slash is one of the last artists I would expect to ever see on American Idol, but one can’t be too stingy about where you collect your checks in a recession. The Guns ‘N Roses guitarist served as guest mentor to the four remaining finalists as they entered “Rock Week” on American Idol.

Before the show kicked off Ryan Seacrest warned audiences that because of technical difficulties that occurred on set earlier in the day the contestants were not able to have a proper run through before show time.

Judging from the show’s first performer, Adam Lambert, you couldn’t tell there had been any problems as the always eager singer seemed right at home covering “Whole Lotta Love” by Led Zepplin.

Whenever I look at him I think of 80s rock anyway, so he had no choice but to out do the others.

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You bring Jamie Foxx to American Idol and you don’t get the kids to dress up like Wanda and perform “Blame It” — America drinks so I don’t see the problem. What a waste.

But I guess the Idol producers have different ideas for what constitutes an American standard than I do, which left the remaining five contestants to perform songs from a truly old school time — the Rat Pack era.  This era was full of crooners singing jazz-type standards.

The one who looks like he should be on the cover of J-14 (Kris Allen) did a really smooth version of “The Way You Look Tonight.”

Baby Brittany Murphy (Allison Iraheta) sang “Someone to Watch Over Me” very well without overdoing it. Randy got it right when he compared Iraheta to Pink.

Justin Timberfake (Matt Giraud) managed to sing “My Funny Valentine” without me wanting to hit him with a copy of Chaka Khan’s Greatest Hits.

Danny Gokey (I couldn’t think of a name for him, my apologies) performed per usual – nice delivery but no personality.

And the one who looks like something the 80s rock era threw up continues to be hella extra on stage. Despite him forever doing the most, I won’t join the I Hate Adam Lambert brigade.

I’d rather watch extra than flat out boring, so if he wants to treat American Idol like an audition for High School Musical 18, I’ll let him make it.

But one of them has got to go. Which one do you think it will be?

By the way: The judges are officially banned from using the word ’swagger.’

Two idol hopefuls went bye-bye last night and as expected, Lil Rounds was sent packing. Her mediocre stint on the show has finally caught up to her. Hopefully, she’ll look back at herself and learn from her mistakes. I was a tad snarky in yesterday’s post, when talking about her lackluster attempt at Chaka Khan’s “I’m Every Woman” but the truth is, Miss Rounds will be OK in her career.

She’ll head out on the American Idol Top 10 Tour and score a record deal a la Simon. It’s not that she couldn’t sing, she was just ill-advised (or maybe just nervous) in the songs she chose. Once again, listening to her sing was like hearing someone who could simply hold a note, perform karaoke on a cruise ship as opposed to someone who was trying to become America’s next singing sensation. Even her exit performance of—you guessed it—”I’m Every Woman” was very much like her original attempt. ‘Nough said.

In any event, I still think Lil Rounds has potential and I wish her the best of luck.