Just when you think it’s safe to continue watching reality TV, Flavor Flav gets more ideas. He recently told All Hip Hop that he was working on a new reality TV show, a talk show and going back to high school. There were no further details so I’m not sure if he’s tackling each as an individual project or a packaged deal. However, the most appealing option to me (since he’s done the reality TV thing ad nauseam) would be a talk show.

This is what I imagine the first week on air would be like for The Flavor Flav Show (Yeaaaaaah boi!).

- Monday

In this inaugural episode, Flav decides to go back to his Reality TV roots and rights some previous wrongs in the universe. He reunites Tiffany “New York” Pollard and Pumkin so that they can work out their differences. This sounds like work cut out for Dr. Phil but Flavor Flav is no biter. Instead of hiring Dr. Phil or another high-priced quack, Flav appoints Chicago Larry as his resident love doctor. Ratings shoot through the roof as even Chicago Larry can’t resolve the conflict with his soothing, “Hey pretty girl,” and the episode ends in shoe flying weave pulling madness.

-Tuesday

After yesterday’s drama, Flavor Flav focuses more on his hip-hop beginnings. The self-proclaimed “greatest hype man in history”  dedicates an entire show to the art of moving the crowd. Today’s “How to Be a Hype Man” guide features tutorials by Memphis Bleek, Tony Yayo, Lil’ Cease and Spliff Star, who will feature topics like “How to Project Into a Microphone,” “The Art of Pacing a Stage on Beat,” and “How to Get the Crowd to Wave Their Hands on Command.” There will even be a tribute performance in honor of fallen hype men, Freaky Tah and Proof. This show will be groundbreaking because for many of the featured hype men, it’s the first time they’ve ever been seen in public not following their mentors around.

-Wednesday

Today’s episode delves into the dark world of angry babymamas. “When Babymamas Attack” offers insight into what makes bm’s mad and how to avoid public altercations and lawsuits. Flavor Flav will sit down with Eddie Griffin, and the pair will trade tips on how they keep from going destitute, manage to remember all their children’s names, and ward off their bellicose ex flames who are connected to them for the rest of their lives.

-Thursday

In a sudden twist of events, fed up producers invite Chuck D and Spike Lee to run an intervention for Flav’s continued buffoonery on TV. The intervention doesn’t go well thanks to a surprise appearance from Brigitte Nielsen (aka Gita), resulting in Chuck D and Spike Lee walking off set.

-Friday

Flavor Flav chooses to promote new music instead of inviting a guest. Before previewing songs, he announces The Flavor Flav Show is suddenly canceled due to undisclosed circumstances. Maybe Reality TV would have been a better move. I guess we’ll see him go back to school after all.

Sure this was all fiction, but was I really that off? Would you watch anymore Flavor Flav TV or should he give it up?

Picture from The Urban Daily

Flavor Flav has graduated from the reality TV realm and moved toward horror. Well…horror in the more traditional sense because the thought of dating (or even touching him) always scared me, but I digress. He is hosting a new TV series called Nite Tales. Nite Tales is based on the BET movie (also hosted by Flav) released last year (now on DVD).

The movie featured a series of vignettes a la Tales From the Hood meets Tales from the Crypt and did so well that they’ve decided to put it on the tube. Flavor Flav is the self-proclaimed “new Crypt Keeper.” I’ve always seen the resemblance (just picture the Crypt Keeper wearing a giant clock around his neck).

Check him out as he elaborates (in that special Flav way) in an interview with Dime Wars.

Notorious mama’s boy, Frank “The Entertainer” Moresco has finally gotten his own show. According to Cynopsis, Vh1 picked up 10 one hour episodes scheduled to premier in 2010. We first met him on I Love New York where he picked up notoriety as the 30-something man living in his parent’s basement. From there he went on to lose twice, on both seasons of I Love Money, so it makes sense that he got his own show. Watching him interract with castmates and his family was rather entertaining, no pun intended. The premise of his show revolves around life from mom and dad’s basement bachelor pad. I’m in. And to think, this is yet another show spawned by Flavor Flav’s Vh1 legacy.

It’s actually more than six degrees but numero seis sounded catchier for the title of this post. Basically, I saw some commercials for New York’s forthcoming reality show, for the first time last weekend, and realized that Flavor Flav is single-handedly responsible for about 90% of Vh1’s reality TV shows. Let’s track his reality TV journey and see how it all began…

The Surreal Life

Flavor Flav was pulled from the depths of “where are they now” (the rap edition) and featured on season three of The Surreal Life. In a bizarre twist of events, he developed a relationship with 80s model Brigitte Nielsen and viewers couldn’t keep their eyes off the disaster. In fact, the pair was so fascinating that they got their own show:

Strange Love

And this, my friends, is when we officially thought that Flavor Flav had jumped the shark. However, the joke was on us. Brigitte Nielsen broke Flav’s heart, leaving him susceptible to the cunning wits of Vh1 producers, who convinced him to let them help his search for love on national TV. Hence, Flavor of Love was born and lasted for three seasons, until Flav finally decided that he wanted to make a relationship work with the mother of his youngest child.

Flavor of Love (season two’s cast photographed)

The break-out star from Flavor of Love was of course, Tiffany Pollard aka New York. After being strung along and eventually heartbroken by Flav twice, she got her own crack at finding love with:

I love New York (season one’s cast photographed)

New York thought she scored with Tailor Made by the end of season two and moved on to another show, New York Goes to Hollywood, which isn’t featured in this blog, but definitely gets honorable mention because without Flav, there would be no New York. She broke up with Tailor Made on NY Goes to Hollywood and was offered a third season of I Love New York, but declined. However, residual from I Love New York lingered. Break out stars “Real” and “Chance” were brothers competing for Tiff’s love and actually came close to winning NY’s heart.

Real Chance of love

They were such outstanding personalities, that once again, Vh1 struck gold with another spin off and are currently casting for season two. Whatever happened to those Flavor Flav girls? They appalled Black women in America so much that comedienne Mo’Nique made it her mission to help them learn etiquette and become respectable women.

Charm School

Although there was no reform school for the unruly men on New York’s dating show, everyone was brought together on I Love Money.

I Love Money

Technically, For the Love of Ray J and Rock of Love should also get honorable mention, as should Daisy of Love because these shows would not exist had it not been for the success of our giant clock laden, viking hat wearing friend. He provided the prototype for these types of shows, which also proved that viewers like to watch train wrecks whether it’s a guilty pleasure or point of pride. Thanks Flavor Flav, for fueling reality TV addictions all accross America.

 I’ve been following Saaphyri Windsor’s reality TV journey since she was booted from the first episode of Flavor of Love Season 2 for fighting “H-Town” over a bed. Sistas everywhere (myself included) were mortified by her behavior but the hood chick from “54th and Crenshaw” redeemed herself a few months later on season one of Charm School. She proved that she could behave like a classy mature lady and won $100,000. I rooted for her, and was excited when she won because it seemed deserving. But can she do it again?My favorite ghetto fabulous reality TV star is back on the tube in I Love Money 2 and this time around, etiquette gets the boot. Of course, she’ll revive her hood tendencies, especially because money is at stake. I can’t wait to see what outbursts and meltdowns ensue. The third episode airs tonight. Yes! Is it totally sad that I get off on watching dysfunctional TV?Anyway, will Saaphyri win the second time around? With Charm School, it was more about progression and evolution. I Love Money is another ballpark. Sure, she has what it takes to win a shouting match, but is she cunning enough to weasel her way to the prize money? I’m a little skeptical. I think she’ll have a heart attack in the middle of cursing someone out first. What do you think? Check out I Love Money 2 tonight at 9PM EST on Vh1.

“I got my man, we ain’t coming back for a Season 4, it’s a wrap!” said Thing 2, who put on her gold fronts, yelled “Fla-vor Flaaaav,” and perhaps went off for a romantical evening with Flav. That was the end.

Before that, we saw Six-head Sinceer get a plane ticket home cuz Flav thought she had a mean streak. We  knew that all along, didn’t we? Busty Black made the final two cuz she was “hot.” But to be honest, didn’t her last words to Flav sound heartfelt? Too bad she was so boring, Flav fell asleep on her bosom during a ride through Monaco. And perhaps if she could tell a knock-knock joke off the cuff, she woulda won. But Flav needed a funny sister. He got what could be his perfect match in Thing 2. Can’t wait to see where this goes.

Did the right woman win? We wonder if Thing 2 will share Flav with her twin sister? And how soon will their reality show hit the tube?

Learn more about Thing 2 in this VH1 interview.