Movie Review: Valentine’s Day

Published by Clay Cane on Friday, February 12, 2010 at 12:00 am.

valentines-day-2010-9477295-450-681Summary: A heap of interconnecting stories about random lovers celebrating Valentine’s Day in Los Angeles.

Review: Regardless of the star-studded cast and being directed by Hollywood icon Garry Marshall, anyone can tell that Valentine’s Day is a gimmicky, unoriginal, grossly pink eyesore. The movie is capitalizing on the weekend of February 14th in the same way that a new installment of the Saw series is released every Halloween. A good flick is secondary; pack in over a dozen celebrities, stick to an ancient formula and Valentine’s Day will be the number one film of the weekend. By February 15th the flick will be forgotten and probably on DVD at a discounted price by March 1st.

Valentine’s Day tramples through several plots such as an 18-year-old who wants to lose her virginity, a phone sex operator, a sports reporter who is a self-proclaimed player, and a florist. The good — the scenes go through at lightning speed so right when the audience is about to be nauseous at the bad dialogue (“She’s like sunshine!” or “An ache in my heart the size of Texas!”) and predictability — the viewer is thrown over to a new storyline.  That said, most of the stories are disposable. Some of the more original plots that had a different take on V-Day, like the closeted gay man or a woman returning home from war, might have made the movie better if these ideas were fleshed out and others left for deleted scenes.

Valentine’s Day is flooded with cameos and I can imagine most of the actors filmed their scenes in one day. Here is an edited list of who pops up: Julia Roberts, Queen Latifah, Jamie Foxx, George Lopez, Anne Hathaway and Ashton Kutcher. Regardless of the cheesy script, there is rarely any bad acting with the majority of these seasoned actors — until you get to Grammy-winning country star, Taylor Swift. Not since Madonna in Who’s That Girl? have I seen such an annoying performance on screen. The only thing that could’ve saved her jittery acting is if Kanye West had stormed her scenes and made the audience feel sorry for her (again).  That might’ve resulted in an Oscar nod for Miss Taylor!  But, maybe with some proper coaching and a hands-on director she could improve.

With a movie that looks splattered with Pepto Bismol, Valentine’s Day actually made me despise Valentine’s Day even more.

Valentine’s Day is in theaters today.

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