Dear Santa…..December 24th, 2008
Even your favorite artists believe in Santa Claus…. Could it be?Jolly ol St. Nick receives letters from the toughest of the tough? Well, it seems as though our hip hop heroes still have faith because earlier today my sticky paws got hold of a couple of “Dear Santa” letters that failed to hit St. Nicks inbox.
At first I was reluctant in releasing such private information to the masses, but then I thought, if I release them through the internets, maybe it’ll end up in the hands of Mr. Claus. So, without further ado, here are three “Dear Santa” letters I found that you might find interesting. MERRY XMAS
As you can see, it’s been a rough year for me. 19,000 copies in seven days, backhanded by Maino’s hand of god, my favorite piece of jewelry is being paraded through Atlanta like the Olyimpic Torch and every dark skinned female in America hates me. I swear, when I started 2008, I wanted nothing but positive success, a growth spurt and for people to believe I was really a rapper, but nothing of the sort has been achieved. I know you’re a man of many miracles, so please bless me with one tomorrow. Seeing how the damage is done, there’s probably not to much you can do, but at this point I’ll take anything to get me out this hole I’ve dug myself into. I won’t take much more of your time, my plea has been delivered.
Yung “I swear I love dark skinned women, I really DO” Berg
How in the hell did this happen? 46K in seven days…wait, this is a dream right? This time last year, I was touring the country spewing out the hot fire that is “Crank Dat”. Wasn’t that success supposed to carry over into my sophomore set? I mean I had all the right ingredients; Beef with an established artist, issue an absurd statement and record myself doing incredibly moronic stuff, WHAT HAPPENED? Whatever, the damage is done and I’m not the type to dwell. However, you’re St. Nick, so I know you have a couple tricks up your sleeve. So, this Christmas, can we please tell my fans that iSoulja Boy was a street release and the REAL album is coming in January? I can assure you this will work. I have those kids wrapped around my lil finger, as well as their parents. Let’s be real, do you honestly think I’m ready to be a “Positive Role Model” for the youth??? I’m recording a new episode of “Rich Ni**a Sh*t” right now. Come on big man, work your magic.
Soulja “I think I’ve hit rock bottom…THIS CAN’T BE LIFE” Boy
Look Fat Boy, this is my 7th letter searching for assistance in regards to my “legal issue” and you have yet to answer me….wait……NOT GUILTY!!! NEVERMIND!
R “THERE REALLY IS A SANTA CLAUS” Kelly