Looks like someone ate their Lucky Charms this weekend, because according to Remy’s attorney, Ivan Fisher, the rapper’s sentence date, which was originally scheduled for tomorrow (April 23), has been pushed back to May 13th. This new breakthrough now gives Remy enough time to complete 5 things in maintaining her relevancy for the next 3-5 years (that’s the projected amount of time she’s supposed to receive). Check em out……

1. Prove why you belong at the top of the female lyrical totem pole by calling out EVERY female MC you can think of. This includes the younginz as well (Lil Mama, Teyana Taylor…allll of em lol).

2. Film every SINGLE move you make between now and when you head to the big house. I’m sure SOMEONE out there will watch it (not me, I’ll be watching The Big Bang Theory on CBS and The Hills on MTV Ha!)

3. Record from dusk till dawn. 5 years is a long time Remster and if you want that title, becoming the female version of Lil Wayne doesn’t sound like a bad idea.

4. Don’t ask your fans to send any letters to the judge about how much of a nice girl you are. You popped your best friend several times with a heat seeker that had hallow points in the chamber, what could they possibly say to get you out of this fiasco?

Dear Judge, Remy makes the best chocolate chip cookies. And whenever we go out, her .38 caliber pistol is always in arms reach to protect us from the money stealing heathens prowling around NYC.

Sincerely Her New Best Friend

5. Don’t carry around a bible or get photographed going to church. That’s the OLDEST trick in the book!

5 1/2. Ask Papoose to wear a band aid under his left eye…it worked for Nelly and his crew lol!

While it’s not fun to poke fun at a situation like this, I (LowKey) would like to let Remy know that she is in my prayers and I HOPE to god she doesn’t get the maximum time of what ever sentence is handed to her. Chin Up Homey!!!

Sincerely

LowKey

TAGS: Remy Ma

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