Top 10: 10 Things Lil Wayne REALLY Needs On Tour.

January 22nd, 2009


You thought the other list was outrageous?????? Judging by this title, you can safely assume I rummaged through The Smoking Gun’s, Backstage write up on Lil Wayne. I can’t begin to tell you how excited I was to begin my list of foolish things Lil Weezy needed backstage for him and his goons.

One question though, when consuming assorted fruits, Gummy Bears, Dentyne Ice, potato chips and absurd amounts of liquor, is it necessary to ask for forks, spoons, knives, papers plates, ketchup, mustard, hot sauce, BBQ sauce, Salt and Pepper? I know he’s from the south, but Hot Sauce on original flavored Skittles is a little out of line. In fact, it’s not COOL AT ALL!

Anyway, I dug into my creative soul and thought it would be fun to pull out 10 key things Lil Wayne REALLY Needs On Tour. ENJOY!

10. Twitter. Instead of those inconsistent Weezy Blogs he releases every 6 months, sporadic updates via Twitter could easily keep us entertained as well as increase his word play since he only can type out 14o characters.

9. A Cameraman/Camera that streams live video footage during every waking second of that man’s tour. Imagine if we were able to watch Lil Wayne spazz on one of his flunkies for getting the wrong cough syrup. I can just picture the Lil Martian right now on NyQuil during one of his performances. Oh wait, that already happens. DRATS!

8. These! Lord knows we don’t need any more impromptu announcements of a new stash of a lil goon or goonette ransacking this beautiful thing we call earth.

7. A Log Sheet. Its obvious this guy shovels through 90 guest appearances and 180 guest backstage groupies A NIGHT, so I can only imagine what he turns down, on both accounts. “Uhh Wayne, Condoleezaa Rice is here for her 1:30 appointment”.

6. Headphones. After listening to some of the material Wayne’s delivered in the past 12 months, I honestly and faithfully believe this guy DOES NOT listen to any of the stuff he lays down after it’s recorded. Even the yes man on his team ponder saying “Nah Wayne, you might wanna try that again”.

5. HE REALLY needs not to request a “Chartered Lear Jet”. My god, Wayne? You’ve probably sold over 10 million records in your career thus far amd you’re telling me you can’t afford a jet BY NOW? Not to mention what you charge for your shows. What promoter in their RIGHT mind, in the past, has provided you with a Chartered Jet? Give me his name NOW!!! I can understand the Presidential Suite, the police escort and even the 50% cash payment upfront, but a Chartered Jet??? Negro, who you think you are, the Prince of Zamunda…STOP IT!

4. An Armored Truck. Nah, not for your money, homey…but for your material. In 2008, it’s become extremely clear that you’ve recorded more material than The Beatles, U2, Elvis and 2Pac combined. And frankly, I’m tired of hearing a new song/verse/hook every second, of every hour, of everyday, of every week, of every MONTH! I would actually enjoy you more if I heard a healthy helping of your material every other week or even month…..I prefer the latter, lol.

3. Someone to train him on metal detector etiquette. During the BET Hip Hop Awards in Atlanta, I witnessed first hand an episode between him and security and boy, was that ugly/entertaining/refreshing all in the same breath. Wayne, you’re asking for 25 backstage passes for each performance…do you REALLY think the head of security is going to just let you BREEZE past because you sold a million records in seven days?? The only black man in America that will never have to worry about a metal detector is Barack Obama and even STILL the security he’s passing through will slide him the evil eye. SMARTEN UP!

2. T-Pain. Wayne hearts Teddy. It’s just that simple.

1. JESUS!

To all my hardcore Wayne fans, this all in good, clean fun. I beg you, PLEASE do not get on here talking about, “MAN STOP HATING ON WAYNE, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH” Wanye is cool with me, but those tour requirements are just SILLY, SERIOUSLY!

Sincerely

Low “When I go on tour, all I need is a box of Apple Juice, a Bang Bang Boogie Coldstones Milkshake, my laptop and a pair of SB Blazers” Key

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