Top 10: Ten DIFFERENT Names Diddy Can Use For His New AlbumFebruary 19th, 2009
HA! You knew it was coming…..Ahhhh, where to start. Ok first, let’s shift the logistics out the way so everyone knows what’s going on. As we all know, Sir Diddy is giving the solo opportunity another whirl. I mean it’s only right since he’s already damaged the careers of Day 26, Danity Kane, Donnie Klang and so on and so forth.
At first notice, Diddly Did was counting on the magical abilities from T-Pain to assist in making his project epic, to say the least. Diddy even recorded several episodes of the two in the studio collaborating on the effort. EPIC FAIL!
However, a little birdie over at Bad Boy informed me the other day that Puff The Magic Producer has scrapped the effort and is heading in a totally different direction. Well, that information serves true because Diddy has now conjured up the idea of calling his new album, “The Last Train To Paris”.
From what Diddy has revealed to MTV.com, the set will be an all-expenses paid trip through a love affair that commenced while on tour overseas (not really, but that’s the story line).
Says Diddy, “It’s about this tumultuous love roller-coaster relationship that occurs. It’s everything from love, pain, sex, God, celebration. It’s a lot of things rolled into one. It’s a conceptual album.”
Ok, whatever. Seeing as how I’m over the whole “conceptual album” marketing ploy, I’m taking it upon myself to inflict some of my A&R’ing capabilities into the mix. Rest assured, this list doesn’t derive from the hating vein in my left arm, more so the, ehhh….how can I put this delicately…….the WHAT ARE YOU THINKING muscle in my left shoulder.
I know you guys probably have some issues with the title, so feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments section.
10. Pay Stubs: A detailed and introspective journey through Diddy’s checkbook proving once and for all, he’s not that heartless, Cambodian breast milk drinking man everyone perceived him to be.
9. Assistants Make The World Go Round: Seeing how I once served as one of his Jr. Executive Assistants back in 2003, I could easily A&R this project. Song titles could include, “Cheesecake Chronicles”, “Dog Sitter”, Louie Bag Grabber”, T.G.G.O.T (The Greatest Gopher of All-Time), “My Son, Your Son”, “Where’s My Umbrella” and “Don’t Tell My Artists”.
8. The Big Pay Back: No, this isn’t going to be an album where Diddy takes a shot at each and every individual who slung mud at the mention of the first letter in his name. See, this is Diddy’s album where he collaborates with every artist he’s every screwed over and pays them, get this, their FULL QUOTA. Not only that, but anything the song earns after its release, each check will go to that respective artist. TAKE THAT, TAKE THAT!
7. Your Show, My Show: This album will shy away from hip-hop and lean in the direction of TV and Broadway. Since Diddy can’t leave anything untouched, he decided to record all of his auditions and release them via MP3. Expect readings from such scripts as, “Heroes”, “Two & A Half Men”, “Lost”, “Entourage”, “Shrek The Musical”, “The Office”, “Making The Band”, “Scrubs”, “24″, “CSI: The Music Industry” and many more!
6. R&B (Rhythm & Babes): It’s no secret, Puff loves the ladies. If I had a dollar for every time I heard about Puff being cuddled up with some foxy mama, I’d probably retire right after this blog was posted. Puff will use R&B to clarify who he’s bumped uglies with, who he wants to bump uglies with and who will never get to see his “ugly”. Oh and you can expect exclusive skits from Jennifer Lopez, Mariah Carey, Kim Porter, that random broad from ATL, Aubrey O’ Day, Cassie, Oprah, Lauren London and Ellen DeGeneres (she hasn’t been confirmed yet).
5. B.L.A.O.G. (Blogging Like An Original Gangster): This will be a video album. Once Diddy plastered his face on his YouTube channel, The Diddy Blog franchise maneuvered its way into the hearts of every gossip blogger from here to Tibet. From hiding under the covers from Sarah Palin and John McCain to eating Fruit Loops with Orange Juice, Diddy did it all. Diddy will exclusively perform all his songs from wherever he’s located. Whether he’s loading a Delta Airlines flight to sit Coach Class or weaving through traffic on the West Side Highway in a Jeep Wrangler, Puff’s going to show it.
4. Push The Button: We all know Diddy is one of the best “button pushers” in the industry, but on this project, we’ll get to see why. Instead of rapping over the tracks, Diddy will record himself yelling and screaming his commands to that specific producer he’s collaborating with. Song titles include, “I Don’t Like That”, “Turn My Sh*t Up”, “You Want Your Check?”, “Get My Gun, This Fool Is Effin Up My Kick Drum”.
3. Strike Three, You’re Out: Judging from this title, you can already grasp what the concept of this album is about. Since the start of his career Puff’s been known for showing his disgruntled artists the door. Well on this project, everyone who got the “Diddy Boot” will have their chance to relive that fateful day they received that agonizing recording pink slip. Diddy’s going to even up the anty by collaborating with each artist on their respective track.
2. I’M B.I.G.: Puff will rap over BIG’s instrumentals detailing on each song how he removed BIG’s creative soul, bit by bit. Oh please, act like he didn’t do that in real life.
1. I Rap, You Write, Produce & Sing: This won’t be different from any other album. Puff raps, and whoever he’s working with will write, produce and sing. His press release for the album will be “Your idea……MY IDEA aka DEBO! CLASSIC!
Spare me of the “You’re such a hater” commentary, I’m just poking fun at the obvious. Aye Diddy, someone told me you might be mad at this list….well, ARE YOU???
Low “Take That, Take That…HHHAHAHAHAHAHA” Key