On Location: T-Pain’s Listening Party

August 22nd, 2008

LowKey, T-Pain, Popcorn, Cotton Candy and a Midget….you don’t wanna miss this!

Last minute events are always dope, especially when your boss says, “yo son, we in there”. The ring leader, T-Pain, is gearing up for his 3rd solo effort, and to say the least, homey is turning it into an extravaganza.

Swing 46, the venue where the listening party was being held, was small, spacious, intimate, but if need be, you and your honey dip could sneak off in a corner to play tag (get it? No, okay moving on). RC and I arrived quite early, but I didn’t mind because for some reason I had a feeling the attendance rate would be absurd if we chose to arrive on CP time.

Before I stepped foot inside, this gigantic bodyguard took his palm, embedded it in my chest and said with a firm tone, “you don’t have a camera in there do you?” I thought, “If I lie, he’ll break either my bones, or my camera. And since I like both, let me just tell the truth” I showed him my apparatus, opened my bag and got the green light, but not before he said, “NO PICTURES” as if for some reason he knew I was going to attempt to take one anyway, lol.

As I walked in, a midget standing on a stool stamped my with some sort of circus foolery, but nevertheless, I could tell this was going to be an interesting night. Popcorn was being popped and Cotton Candy was being made and as I walked through, me, Wayne and Pain shared the same sentiment; “I Can’t Believe It”. Not a soul in the venue, I grabbed a seat and relaxed.

My boss was still outside, so I took a gander at the big screen and proceeded to watch T-Pain’s stylist talk about his wardrobe during the photo shoot for his album cover. After chopping it up with some of my superiors, I noticed the house was packed. I decided to hit the bar, but I kept it light this time around with only one Corona (HNIC’s were in attendance). YN (Elliot Wilson) met me at the bar, while MTV’s head hip hop honcho, Shaheem Reid, crept up on us. “You know it’s an event when YN is here” Shaheem said candidly.

I headed back to the VIP booth, grabbed my seat and watched as Mark Pitts, Lil Jon, Elliot Wilson, Danyel Smith, Shaheem Reid and various others congratulate T-Pain as he walked through the crowd. “Ladies and Gentlemen boys and girls, step right up, the ring master of ring master, Barry Weiss” (insert Barry’s position here). “Pain is a movement and that’s what happening with this album” Weiss boasted. “He’s an old fashioned self-contained artist and we love that about him. I’m telling you, we’re fu*king people up with this album, he’s shifting the paradigm”.


T-Pain finally hits the stage, thanks everyone and mentions the “Pre Rings” mixtape, which will be hosted by DJ Khaled, should be hitting the streets soon. (Great pt.2???)….”Spit game PROPER” Pain asserts. Listening session starts NOW..

Intro- Two clowns talking about how they hate T-Pain. “F@ck this n@gga T-Pain” one clown asserts. A guitar melody commences followed by a pointy kick drum and an intense snare. Pain boasts, “This nig^a pockets are fatter than Santa Claus”. Its obvious Pain needed to get a bevy of things off his chest…..and he does just that.

Ringleader Man (Prod. By T-Pain)- Explaining how he’s the ringleader of the circus (music industry).

A droopy melody that could be found during the intro of a psychotic movie, Pain echo’s on the hook, “The ringleader man”. Short and to the point, Pain steps up to the plate and demands his respect in this circus of an industry

Chopped and Screwed ft. Ludacris (Prod. By T-Pain) (2nd single from “Thr33 Ringz)
Explaining how you get your feelings mixed up in a relationship. Your whole world being f*cked up cause you thought it was something it wasn’t.

An abnormal synth, Pain comes in saying “Shawty done chopped me, shawty done screwed me”. The chorus and the beat exemplify the title of the track as both are chopped and screwed ridiculously. “Shawty you must have lost your mind, I done screwed you out of your spine” Ludacris spits. Pain obviously loved the single since he yells “swwwwweeeett” after the song finishes

Freeze ft. Chris Brown (Prod. By T-Pain)- A tune explaining how attractive a female could be only if she could dance as good as she looked

Obviously a club track, Pain pleads with the honey dip in front of him to break it down the best way she knows how. “Watch me slide on you, watch me glide on you, you must think I’m pretty fly don’t you” Brown croons. Yep, this is a no brainer….TOUGH.

What It Do ft. Rick Ross (Prod. By T-Pain)- A song about courting a PYT (Pretty Young Thing)


Pain playfully asks on the up-tempo number. How many of you remember the opening anthem to Nickelodeon’s “Doug”? You hear the melody in your head? Ok, now embed the Auto Tuner under that melody and sing, “Doo doo doo da dooo da dooo da dooo.” AWESOME!


Therapy ft. Kanye West (Prod. By T-Pain)
Its about crazy females and their relationships, to say the least!

“5, 6, 7, 8 I don’t need your sex I’ll masturbate” Pain clarifies. To be honest, I’d do the song no justice if I tried to explain the vernacular within this tune, so you guys will just have to wait until this ish comes out. But TRUST me; “Therapy” is one of the album’s highlights. Kanye and Pain did it again…..

Keep Going (Prod. By T-Pain)- The song is about how his family keeps him going in this industry.

The only acoustic track and one of two tracks without the Auto Tuner, “Keep Going” is a short and sweet ode to his wife and two childern. Pain makes it perfectly clear that without them, he wouldn’t be able to survive in this industry

The Reality Show (The Soul Song) ft. Raheem DeVaughn, Musiq Soulchild and Anthony Hamilton (Prod. By T-Pain)- With all the drama relationships bring, Pain decides to draft some of his Neo-Soul buddies and paint their own reality show.

“One dude, one lady, one sane, one crazy sounds like a reality show to me”, Pain describes. The chords guide us through the saga of what seems to be a striking description of a hit reality show. “Let’s make a reality show cause I want the world to know about us” Raheem sings.

Karaoke (Prod. By T-Pain)-Expressing his feelings about the Auto Tuner being used by everyone in the industry

Pain opens up apologizing to his fans, GOD and Barry Weiss for what he’s about to say. Out of nowhere, DJ Khaled (Great, part 2??) comes in telling Pain to go in. If you pay attention to some of T-Pizzle’s commentary on some of his previous material, you could tell a track like this was coming. Though he didn’t mention anyone specific, he did cancel out Weezy and Yeezy as the copycat culprits. “The only niggaz that’s cool is Kanye and Lil Weezy” Pain boasts. So with that said, I believe T-Pizzle is talking to R.Kelly, Yung Berg, 50 Cent, The Dream, Snoop Dogg, and basically ANYONE else who threw the tone enhancer under their vocals. “This aint no disrespect, go head and do ya sh*t, but my daughter told me to tell ya, ‘get off my daddy’s di&k”. CLASSIC! Oh and by the way, T-Pain’s, “I Can’t Believe It” video featuring Lil Wayne is INSAAAAAAAAAAANE! You’ve NEVER see anything like this……..TRUST ME! It premieres next Tuesday at 11am on BET, and will be played throughout the ENTIRE day!

Even though he played the entire album, I’ll refrain from revealing every logistic about the album, instead, you guys can let what I’ve provided marinate until another review comes or you get your hands on the product itself. To top off my dope night, as I was in Coldstone’s Creamery, one of the interns from the 10th floor recognized me and told one her buddies behind the counter, “Oh, he’s good”. Large Vanilla Milkshake with Oreo’s and Snickers free of charge???? Man, I think I love my life, for now!


Low “Oooooooo, I Can’t Believe It” Key


After I took this photo, the large individual who nearly pushed in my chest, appeared out of nowhere. I think it’s safe to say I was on the verge of being killed at a listening party!

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