While I hate to ponder the notion of Barack falling to John McCain and that other lady, anything is possible in the world of politricks. With that said, I came up with 10 things our lovely hip hoppers will say or do once that final announcement is made. Though this post is all in good fun, let’s remember that if Obama does happen to fall, we are ALL to conduct ourselves in a professional manner in public. In the privacy of your own home, I EXPECT you to go ape sh*t, but while you’re in the public eye, keep it cool…PLEASE! You already know the authorities are WAITING for us to act a fool, let’s give them an easy night.

Without further ado, I present The Top 10 Things Hip Hop Artists Will Do If Obama Loses…

10. Diddy will have an excuse to yell useless commentary into his MAC book on the 56754435453rd episode of “Diddy TV”….

9. Polow Da Don will yell, on a bullhorn, “Waint A Minute Mothaf*cka”…..

8. Jay-Z will resume charging for his concerts, which will make Memphis Bleek extremely happy since he wasn’t getting paid for all the free shows they were doing over the past 2 months.

7. Foxy Brown will claim she didn’t get to vote because she didn’t HEAR anyone tell her what time her designated polls closed!

6. Kanye West will prepare his impromptu, “John McCain doesn’t care about black people speech” at the January inauguration.

5. Young Buck will call Barack Obama crying apologizing for not supporting him throughout the election. Obama will then sell the recording to 50 thus causing him to use the audio as an intro to his next album.

4. T.I.’s sentence will be extended to 5 years causing McCain and Palin to appear on Saturday Night Live to perform their own rendition of “Whatever You Like” but renaming it to “We Can Do Whatever We Like”.

3. Will. I. Am. will record a new tribute song called, “I Thought We Could”.

2. Yung Berg will come out of hiding thinking everyone’s focused on John McCain, but then bump into Maino, Bow Wow, Trick Trick & Trick Trick’s daughter at a club in Chicago.

1. We ALL wake up and realize it was just a HORRIBLE dream. BARACK OBAMA 08!!!!!

Sincerely

Low “PLEASE TELL ME YOU VOTED…PLEASE?” Key

It’s come to my attention that in the last 24 months, hip hop has become friendly; weird right? Not that I condone hip hop warfare, but it’s mind boggling how all of a sudden one minute two rivals are penning viscous responses and the next they’re recording songs together. Maybe it’s this recession we’re enduring or the fact that Sarah Palin doesn’t have the slightest clue as to what the Bush Doctrine is (so sad).

Regardless, rappers are making amends, and it’s happening at the speed of light. First, Jay and Nas kicked of the “Hip Homey” brigade by ceasing the peace at Power 105’s, I Declare War Concert. The two lyrical prophets graced the stage; hugging, kissing and rapping each other’s songs to the pleasure of 20,000 screaming hip hop advocates. After that, it was all down hill from there (in regards to hip hop beefs). Now, I’m not going to sit here and address each beef that was resolved in the last year and a half (Jada vs. 50 Cent, T.I. Vs. Shawty Lo, Ludacris vs. T.I. to name a few), but I will list the active beefs that still plague our mixtapes, radio shows and hood dvd’s.

Active “Beef” List

B.I.G vs 2Pac (Forever unresolved)

Jay-Z vs. Dame Dash

Dipset vs. Cam’ron

Ja Rule vs. 50 Cent

Fat Joe vs. 50 Cent

The Game vs. G-Unit

Young Buck vs. 50 Cent

Foxy Brown vs. Lil Ki

Remy Ma vs. Foxy Brown

Neyo vs. R.Kelly

R.Kelly vs. Jay-Z

T-Pain vs Unapproved Auto-Tune users

Soulja Boy vs. Ice T

Jermaine Dupri vs. Greg Street

 Alright, that’s all I could conjure up for the moment; however, your job is JUST getting started. If you had the chance to mend any of these “active” hip hop beef’s, which one would it be and why??? Yes, I know it’s Friday, but Summer hours are over, and I know most of you have about 3 hours left till you start your weekend…so get to work, lol!

Sincerely

Low “NO MORE DRAMA” Key

(Scooby Doo Voice) Ruhhh Rohhhh

Looks like hip hop divas, Lil Kim and Foxy Brown are in a bit of a publishing bind

Now I understand why my teacher stressed the importance of turning in my book reports on time. Both Foxy Brown and Lil Kim are being sued by publishing firm, Simon & Schuster, for failing to deliver memoirs they were previously paid to write. Two separate lawsuits were filed today (July 25) in a Manhattan Supreme Court. Of course, neither Foxy nor Kim was available for comment.

Wait, didn’t both of them just get released from an extensive jail stint?? That would mean they had NOTHING but time to write down their war stories for S&S. Ahhhh, procrastination at its finest.
Sincerely

Low “These two can never win lol” Key

I believe Foxy has some sort of switch in her brain that allows her to unleash outlandish and bizarre statements at the most random times. This morning, Foxy threw Miss Info some commentary regarding the catastrophe that is Brooklyn Don Diva, her latest body of work. Well, not actually hers, she says.

Now I’m sort of torn with this self-issued memo for several reasons. One, how do you scorn a body of work you obviously approved, but in the same breath, turn right around and promise the re-release is going to be, and I quote the BIGGEST STREET ALBUM IN FEMALE RAP HISTORY??? It tickles me blue to hear those sentiments because, as we all know, when we hear gestures similar to those, the product flopped harder than Ricky Ross in a swimming pool.

Considering that Foxy claimed she was DEVASTATED by the release of Brooklyn Don Diva, what sense would it make to re-release the album even if it did have 5 new tracks?? So, you’re telling me that after kicking and screaming on how bad your album was, you’re ONLY going to record 5 new tracks when there was 15 total on the project? That leads us to believe that one, the album wasn’t that bad, two, you’re being incredibly lazy, or three, this was all a publicity stunt in which I just got sucked into.

Either or, I still dig the talents of Inga Marchand, and if she’s smart, she’ll lock that slot down and solidify her spot in hip hop history.

Alright guys, let me know your thoughts on Foxy’s new tirade. Was it called for or is she overreacting like usual???

Sincerely

Low “Oh Foxy….” Key

P.S. Make sure you check out my BET AWARDS Press Conference POV Blog….RIGHT NOW!  

Update: According to Foxy’s lawyer, Laura Dilimetin, there was a misunderstanding regarding Foxy’s court date. Apparently the courthouse still had the rapper marked down for a May 5 appearance when in fact Dilimetin delayed Foxy’s hearing until May 8. Brown’s bench warrant, which was issued yesterday morning, was recalled earlier today!

I swear I’m pulling for this young lady, but day after day she just makes it that much more difficult for me to do so. According to TMZ, Fox Boog has already been issued a bench warrant by a judge in Brooklyn, NY for missing a hearing this morning regarding a incident in which she hurled a blackberry at a Brooklyn woman several years ago.

When authority figures attempted to locate the sneaky lil Fox, her defense attorney wasn’t aware of her whereabouts (Surprising). Damn it Foxy, what the hell is going on????

Is this the end for Ms. Brown or does she still stand a chance in keeping her head above the water???

Sincerely

Low “How am I getting stressed for her and I don’t even know the broad” Key

Guess who’s bizzzack…Fox Boogie Brown!!! That’s right boys and girls, Foxy Brown is HOME! Friday (April 18), Foxy Brown officially ended her eight month stint on Riker’s Island. Sporting a brown leather jacket accompanied with a Louis Vuitton head scarf, the Brooklyn Diva maneuvered her way through a sea of media personnel as she embraced her close friends and family. “We did it, I can’t believe we did it” she screeched while hugging one of her attorney’s.

Supporters of Foxy swarmed her and her team as they made their way from the gates of Rikers to an awaiting 2008 Rolls Royce Phantom. “They can’t keep a Brooklyn bi*ch down” one Foxy advocate yelled. Crying tears of joy, Foxy thanked everyone for the warm welcome. Clinching onto her mother, Foxy screamed “Give it up for my mother ya’ll”.

I’m somewhat reluctant in giving her another chance, seeing how she’s had plenty of opportunities to clean up her act. Regardless, the female MC game is LACKING right now; Lil’ Kim is doing god knows what, Remy is basically finished, Lil’ Mama is still pegged as a gimmick (I need a mixtape or something crazy from shorty doo wop) and Nicky Minaj (Lil’ Wayne’s artist)…sighs (and that’s not a good sigh lol). The slot is YOUR’S for the taking Fox…what you gonna do now?? The world is watching!

Has her 8-month bid altered her mischievous ways or will she be back in the hole come September? Come on ya’ll SOUND OFFFF!!!

See more photos of Foxy’s homecoming here.

Low “You got one shot Foxy, DON’T BLOW IT” Key 

Foxy Brown, known to authorities as Inga Marchand, or maybe even as a number, will be released from Rikers Island this coming Friday, April 18. Foxy served 8 months.

It has been reported that cameras will be following the rapper as she is released, but according to her manager Chaz “Slim” Williams, they are still in talks with a few networks for a reality show (i.e. it’s not VH1 yet as some sites have reported).

Read more about Foxy and her upcoming album here.