You already know how this story goes: I spotted the cover online around THESE parts on Monday and thought, “Yup, it’s about that time to pay my friendly underground magazine slinger a visit.”

Fast forward to Wednesday night; $12.00 gloves strapped on my brown hands, a ColdStone’s Bang Bang Boogie Milk Shake (Vanilla ice cream, Graham cracker pie crust, Snickers, Oreos and a Kit Kat bar) in my right paw and the Crackberry in my left. There it was, the March issue of XXL. A fresh coat of magazine glaze shined through all the other irrelevant, outdated publications it was positioned next to.

“I did it again; I struck GOLD”, I discreetly whispered as the middle aged cashier gave me the side eye in which I could’ve have SWORN he indirectly uttered the word “weirdo.” I popped that sucker open only to find some very interesting hip hop tidbits, here’s what I observed; Shorty from Lil Wayne’s, “Comfortable” video is only 22. Datwon really breaks down the meaning of “Loyalty”. Mike Bibby wears his headband even when he’s modeling. Jim Jones has less “swag” then Jay-Z: Epic fail, Jones. Jamie Foxx says “You know your girl is cheating when she says, ‘Can I call you right back’. Soulja Boy claims he has “Millions” in his bank account. Kris Ex breaks down Hip hop’s greatest Crews, Cliques, Clans and Posses. NICE!

Oh, did I forget to mention Vanessa Satten literally breaks down the rise and fall of the mighty mighty Dipset conglomerate? Don’t believe me, test my gangsta and scroll down..lol!

Juelz Santana on Cam’ron owning his contract….

“It was a bad deal. He owned so much of my sh*t and everything, he just, practically owned more than what I owned and it got to a point where I just wanted to get the situation right. I didn’t want nothing back. And it’s like he wasn’t trying to get it right. He wasn’t trying to give me what I felt like I was owed. It’s like he directed us. We put the building together, brick by brick. All he was doing was directing us, and when we got to the top of the building, he dont even wanna share the sandwiches. It’s lunchtime now. He wanna give us pieces of a sandwich, and he got one big hero and we getting pieces. Like, “Come on now. The building is built. You gotta respect us on another type of level.”

Freakey Zeakey on returning home during the break-up…..

“Then, in late 2006, when I was on my way home, I called Jim, and he was like, “Yo, sh*t is fuc*ked up man.” So I’m like, “What happened?” “You’ll see when you come home.” And that’s when everything blew up. But right now it’s myself, Jim and Juelz. And I speak to Killa. I love Killa. That’s my family. And Jim did some bullsh*t, and Killa did some bullsh*t. But they two bulls, and they gonna ram, and they seem like they not gonna give…”

Jim Jones on thinking he jinxed his and Cam’s relationship….

“I think I might have jinxed us. Me and Cam was talking a long time ago about somebody that was breaking up. I was saying that would be kind of crazy it we was to break up but fake it–like, act like we was mad at each other and then get back together and make all this money off of it. And Cam was like, “Why would you say something like that? Don’t start talking no stupid shi*t.” I’ll never forget that. And now I’m like, What the fu*k, is this an ill paradox? I be thinking about that sh*t all the time. Hopefully, we could get this money, ’cause Lord knows there’s a lot of private jets.”

See what you did Jimmy??? It was all YOUR FAULT, lol.

Crazy how money can turn things upside down. Looking for the full story, well, unless you can find my secret newsstand, you’ll probably have to wait another week or so. Sorry!
Sincerely

Low “OK, OK, OK, Ya’ll can’t FU*K with me, NOW WAY” Key