I can GUARANTEE you will NOT see these 10 things come Sunday night….As the 2009 BET Awards inch closer and closer, we here at BET.com would like to set some ground rules as to what you WILL not see this Sunday. Now I know, award shows are all about the surprises, the theatrics, but at some point, a line has to be drawn…an envelope doesn’t need to be pushed lol.

Of course, with Eminem having another mans tush thrown in his face at the MTV Movie Awards several weeks back, a majority of you are pondering the thought of “What will BET do to top that?” NOTHING- so don’t even ask lol.

I wanted to pump this list out several days prior, but I figured I’d wait till the ceremony got a bit closer. In jest, of course, these 10 items are in no way, shape or form geared to offend anyone at all. And if you’re familiar (you should be by now) with my commentary, you already know I’ve never have. So, without further ado, I present, The Top 10 Things You Will NOT See At The 2009 BET Awards. ENJOY!

10.) You will not see Alicia Keys & Swizz Beatz confess their undying love for each other (i.e. hit the red carpet together). With Swizzy putting a GAG order on Ms. Keys about the aforementioned issue, I’m pretty sure the two will sit on opposite sides of the auditorium. Hell, they might even go as far as arriving with their own dates. Smh, whatever happened to black love.

9.) You probably won’t see Drake announce his label home since I pretty much did it for him on this side of town. Not trying to burst his “Surprise I signed with..” bubble, but that information pretty much fell into my lap so I had no choice but to let it ooze all over the BET Awards Blog. Was I wrong?? Wouldn’t care if I was.

8.) You probably won’t see me present an award holding a Coldstones Bang Bang Boogie Milkshake while wearing an exclusive pair of SB Blazers with one of the SEXIEST Hanes White-Tee Shirts in the HISTORY of Hanes Apparel. All while standing next to Keri Hilson who has her hand in my back left pocket humming the melody to “Make Love” while we walk to the podium as she attempts to watch my sodium. And this WON’T happen only because I missed 67567657 flights Friday morning, afternoon and night because US Airways thought it would be funny to film their new reality series “Punked: The Delayed & Canceled Flights” Edition.

7.) You damn sure won’t see Rihanna and Chris Brown sitting next to each other. I’m not saying  you won’t see them at the awards at all, I’m just guaranteeing you will NOT see them arrive or sit anywhere remotely close to each other.

6.) You DEFINITELY will not see any stabbings, open hand slaps, chain snatching, gun toting or weave pulling activities anywhere inside The Shrine Auditorium. I don’t care how ghetto some of these artists and their “Yes Men” maybe, I REFUSE to tolerate ANY tom foolery of the sort. And if i do…..you can bet your ASS I’m popping off on someone lol. I didn’t camp out in 3 airports over the past 48 hours to witness a bunch of FUC*ERY.

5.) You will not see or hear Lil Wayne announce bringing another crumb snatcher into this world. Assuming the rumors about him knocking up Lauren London and Nivea are valid, he’s PROBABLY doing his best to stay away from any podium tomorrow night.

4.) You will not see or hear “Auto-Tune”. See #5 for reason why.

3.) You will NOT see Shawn Corey Carter sporting THIS. I, along with everyone else who is a fan of grooming, can and will NOT tolerate this anymore. We love Jay like our very own, but it’s just not fair to our eyes, his scalp and mankind. Please Jay………..PLEASE! If you hit that stage with THIS, I just might lose it lol.

2.) You will not see Shanaynay land ass up in the lap of Young Jeezy, Jay-Z, Lil Wayne, The Clipse, Pharrell, T-Pain, Soulja Boy, Nelly, Ludacris, Ne-Yo, Rick Ross, Kanye West, Fabolous or any other male hip hopper. And if you DO, I strongly suggest you DUCK!

1.) You WILL NOT see Jamie Foxx lip locking with Debra Lee. I know Foxx is the host and that pretty much gives him the green light to push every envelope, but like I said before, we’re doing this a bit different. Fantasia was shocking, Halle Berry made the male species envious, but Debra Lee???????????????? NOW THAT’S JUST WRONG!

Sincerly

Low “You will NOT see Ron Browz or DJ Webstar because I said SO” Key

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