“My motto is very simple. Win a ring for the King.”

- Shaquille O’Neal at his first press conference as a member of the Cleveland Cavaliers.

O’Neal always knew how to say all the right things to win over his new teammates.

He won a ring with Kobe and D-Wade … can he win one with the King?

“I’m not going anywhere. I know I ain’t going nowhere, so it’s just a waste of our breaths just talking about it.”

- Los Angeles Lakers guard Kobe Bryant on opting out of his contract and becoming a free agent.

Pencil in the Lakers for the 2010 NBA Finals.

Celtics, Cavs, Magic? Who knows.

“Best receiver to ever play the game. I can’t show my highlights because I don’t own NFL Films, but all my coaches in college, in high school, in junior college, they all told me I could be the best. But they must’ve lied because that title was already given to Jerry Rice. Just because you have stats doesn’t mean you’re the best.”

- Former NFL wide receiver Andre Rison

Now I see why Left-Eye torched your mansion.

Best receiver to ever play the game?

Really, Bad Moon?

But really though?

On the eve of the NBA Finals, Shaquille O’Neal made it no secret who he is rooting for.

O’Neal tweeted today: “I am saying it today and today only, I want kobe bryant to get number four, spread da word.”

I’m spreading the word on behalf of O’Neal, who secretly has to be rooting against Bryant catching him in the rings category.

Lakers in 6.

“I heard that, but it had kinda been in one in ear out the other. But as the release date gets closer, I’m starting to get a little bit more paranoid, I’m thinking about trying to get my name and likeness pulled off the game entirely. ‘Cause this is bull.”

- Washington Redskins cornerback DeAngelo Hall on his Madden video game rating changing from 93 to a 68.

Madden knows all things football, including how overrated Hall is at a “shutdown” cornerback.

What’s bull is Hall’s performance since he left the Atlanta Falcons.

Just be glad you’re even in the game, DeAngelo.

“Guarantee we’re going to win the series? Yeah, yeah. We are down 2-1. But there is nobody on this team and definitely not myself that says we are not going to win this series. Yeah, it is going to be tough. We know that. We get this game tomorrow, go home, still got home-court advantage.”

- Cleveland Cavaliers guard Mo Williams guaranteeing victory over the Orlando Magic.

An athlete making a guarantee?

Very original, Mo.

“You better walk that way. You better walk that way you fa***t motherf****r. You gotta come to Denver bi**h.”

- Kenyon Martin to Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban after the conclusion of Game 4 on Monday night.

Upset much, Kenyon?

“We all know who the real number one is. Quite frankly, I’m the best in the world.”

- Serena Williams on being toppled from the top spot of the rankings by Dinara Safina.

Serena Williams Grand Slam victories: 10

Dinara Safina Grand Slam victories: 0

Need I go on?

“[Tony] Parker got into the teeth of our defense and caused problems.  Every time he drives the lane, we have to put him on his back. The first foul has to tell him he’s in for a long night. My first foul Thursday night is going to put him on his back. I guarantee it.”

- Dallas Mavericks center Erick Dampier on his plans for San Antonio Spurs guard Tony Parker in Game 3 of the NBA Playoffs.

The man who was one dubbed “Ericka” by Shaq is talking about putting someone on their back?

Riiiiiight.

“I could have turned everything into a crime scene like O.J., cutting everybody’s throat. You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can’t go to anymore, you’re driving through downtown Clearwater [Florida] and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife … I totally understand O.J. I get it.”

- Former WWE star Hulk Hogan on his divorce from his wife, Linda.

Whatcha gonna do brother when the Hulksta goes Orenthal on you?

What happened to the days of saying your prayers and taking your vitamins, Hulk?

When did we start trading leg drops for knifes?

Kid, if I were you, I would get the hell out of Clearwater.