“Test 1 Million” HIV/AIDS campaign includes son of rapper Eazy-E Eric “Little E” Wright, Jimmy Jean-Louis, rapper Coolio, actress Tasha Smith, singer Jody Watley and others to call for HIV screenings of 1 million Black Americans by Dec. 1, 2009

In preparation for National HIV Testing Day, Black celebrities are teaming up with the Black AIDS Institute, the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, the Brotherhood Crusade, National Coalition of 100 Black Women, and the Beverly Hills/Hollywood branch of the NAACP for the 2nd Annual “Test 1 Million” HIV/AIDS awareness campaign. Civic leaders and celebrities will participate in a press conference where they will be tested for HIV in front of the cameras. The group will announce the “Test 1 Million” HIV/AIDS campaign and a call-to-action for 1 million Black Americans to get screened for HIV by December 1, 2009 (World AIDS Day). AIDS is the leading cause of death for Black women aged 25-34 years, and it is estimated that up to 46% of Black gay men may already be HIV-positive, and according to the CDC, there are over 260,000 people in the U.S. infected with HIV who don’t know they are infected.

This is important. We all need to know our status. Even though I am a lesbian and considered to be at low risk for contracting the HIV virus, I am still going to get tested today to be 1 in a million. Why? Because I stand in solidarity with my brothas and sistas on this.

I’m glad that celebrities like”Eric “Lil E” Wright,” Jimmy Jean-Louis (”Heroes”), Tasha Smith (“Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married”), Coolio, Harold Perrineau (”Lost”), Al Reynolds, Darius McCrary (”Family Matters”), Erica Hubbard (”Lincoln Heights”), Oren Williams (”Lincoln Heights”), Zachary Williams (”Roswell,” “The Parkers”), Nicole Lyons (first female to race professionally in the NHRA Pro Stock and NASCAR Busch Series), recording artist Bobby Tinsley, Brian White (”The Family Stone”, “Stomp the Yard” and “The Game Plan”), NBA veteran Doug Christie & his wife Jackie, Terrel Tilford, Victoria Platt-Tilford, singer Jody Watley, and others have agreed to participate in today’s event.

Maybe someone will see them taking their test and be inspired to get tested.

AIDS is not a gay disease and it’s not a downlow disease.

As Black women we have to take personal responsibility for our own actions. If we can open up our legs and have sex we should be able to open up our mouths and say put on a condom. Pretty much. If he’s not willing to wear it then don’t do it. Plain and simple.

We also have to stop trying to place the blame on men who are on the downlow. The downlow exists in our communities because of the stigmas we place on gay and bisexual men and women (keep it real, I know plenty of women on the DL). In other words, if we spoke more freely about sex, other than in rap and R&B songs, and didn’t ostracize people in our community behind their sexual orientation, maybe people would feel more comfortable disclosing their sexual orientation and wouldn’t force themselves to fit in by being someone they are not.

Just a thought.

If you want to be 1 in a million today and get tested, log onto www.blackaids.org and enter your zip code to find the nearest location.

It’s exactly a week out from the start of Los Angeles Black Pride which is scheduled to take place July 1-5. I for one am looking forward to this year’s celebration, as I will be attending as a guest for the first time in five years. That’s right, no work and all play for Jasmyne on the beach this year. But on the real, Black pride represents who we are as Black same gender loving people, taking into account our race and our sexual orientation and identity in a way that mainstream or “white” gay prides don’t, won’t, and can’t.

While I know the nation considers June to be gay pride month, many Black prides take place all year long.  For example, D.C. has theirs Memorial Day Weekend and Atlanta Labor Day Weekend.

Believe it or not, 2008 marks the 20^th year for ‘At the Beach.’ That’s 20 years of celebrating being Black and gay in L.A. 20 years of parties, connections, fun in the sun, memories, hanging with old friends, and making new friends.  Los Angeles Black Pride is known for hosting their pride Independence Day Weekend with one of the largest beach parties this side of the Mississippi.

While L.A.’s Black Pride usually comes and goes without the fanfare that West Hollywood’s pride receives, for Black lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people, it’s one of the most highly attended events of the year and is the one time of year that you are guaranteed to run into all of your exes on the same day. Well that and being reminded of just how beautiful Black people are as every shade of Black passes by you glistening in the sun.

For me it’s a time to hang with friends and just chill. That’s right c-h-i-l-l, and this year, I am trying to do all the chilling I can. It will be nice to actually remember what attending the beach party is like.

Like I said, I am looking forward to laying my voluptuous Black behind out on the beach, drink in hand, soaking up the sun. I may even bring my bones and cards. Who knows.

For the latest info on the events planned for this year, click here.

Come out, come out wherever you are.

For those that are gay, are you more like to attend your Black pride or the mainstream pride?  Why?

By Jasmyne A. Cannick

I’ll freely admit that I have never understood Pillow Princesses.  You know, those sistas that have no problem with you putting in all of the work and bustin’ a sweat while they lay there and moan and groan at what seems to be preplanned intervals and then turn over and go to sleep once the deed is done.

Consider the following answer to how a Pillow Princess keeps her woman from feeling neglected from an admitted and proud Pillow Princess in an interview done in May of 2006:

Simple. You just use psychology. For example, it’s really true that flattery will get you everywhere. Make her feel like she just rocked your world. I usually say something like, “Oh my God, you stud.” I also like to feign catatonia and murmur: “Look what you’ve done to me.” My favorite is to make her get up and write down whatever it was she just did to me so she never ever forgets it. While she’s doing that, I take the opportunity to drift off to sleep, or just leave.

Something just doesn’t seem right to me about that.

The characteristics of a Pillow Princess are often times very similar to the Perpetrating Lesbian— a curious or bisexual woman, usually a fem, who wants to experience pleasure from oral sex, but who is unwilling to give it in return.

However, I feel it only right to point out that all Pillow Princesses aren’t fems, curious, or bisexual.  I know quite a few studs (dominant lesbian, usually butch, often African American) that fall into that category as well.  After doing some research, I discovered that the name for this type of lesbian is a Stone Butch.  Who knew?

According to About.com’s Lesbian Life website, a Stone Butch is a lesbian who gets her pleasure from pleasing her partner. She does not like to be touched sexually.

I was involved with two such women, it didn’t work out.

The first was a stud who was definitely a lesbian, I never questioned that.  However, absolutely under no circumstances did she desire for her partner to pleasure her.  Her G spot was off limits permanently.

The second was also a lesbian, but in her defense, at 44, she still suffered from intense internalized homophobia which had an odd way of rearing its ugly head (no pun intended), whenever it was time to do the do.  I credit that homophobia with being the reason why she could never be a receiver.

It’s very easy to figure out the deal with your average fem, curious, or bisexual Pillow Princess.  As discussed previously, most are just killing time with women until Mr. Right starts acting right, gets out, or comes along.  But it’s not so easy to figure out the mechanics behind our more masculine sistas who behind closed doors, turn into the stud version of a Pillow Princess.  In fact it’s baffling to me.  I mean they can’t all be suffering from or with internalized homophobia.  Can they?

While perusing online I came across the following question from a Stone Butch reader:

I consider myself a butch lesbian. In the course of discussing this and discovering it myself several years ago, my therapist suggested I am “stone.” She suggested this because I ache and long and burn to give pleasure, while finding it difficult to receive. The thought of it causes me to cringe. Not in disgust, but fear…

…It frightens me to think of allowing someone, a woman, to touch me in order to allow them to give… it comes down to faking it on my part. I do not FEEL pleasure in being touched. But women seem to be unable to grasp that I truly do not ache and long to be touched and “loved”. This is not helping me because I am not being heard when I talk and dare to be honest about my experiences. I have in my few relationships swallowed my discomfort and my grief and allowed the woman I was with to touch me, to “give” to me… even though I had done all I could to plainly explain that the only thing that gets me off is giving pleasure and satisfaction just those words.

…Is it “wrong” that I get my “zing” from giving HER a “zing?…”

Maybe it’s just me, but I thought one of the normalcy’s of being a lesbian was the act of being a lesbian.  Hello?  And I thought that act included oral sex. I guess this is true for some but not all of us.  You learn something new everyday.

I guess a Stone Butch and Pillow Princess are a match made in heaven, but not for mwah.

This isn’t hateration on those sistas either, it’s simply knowing what works and doesn’t for you and being empowered enough to put it out there early enough in the conversation before someone ends up being very disappointed and time that you can’t get back is wasted.

Agree or disagree?

Not Just An Issue for Lesbians

While having this discussion with a group of friends, one of them, a gay man, told me that this was also an issue in the gay community as well, but of a different sort.

His issue was with men who while up in da club gave you the image and attitude of being a thugged out top but that after you got to know them and decided to take it there, found out that he was more passive than you were in the bed.  He said that lack of honesty from the beginning has been the downfall of many a relationship.  Who knew?  I won’t even pretend to understand what that’s all about, but for my gay readers, feel free to weigh in on it.

My heterosexual brothas took the time to point out to me that Pillow Princesses were more of a phenomenon in their world, and after careful consideration, I’d say they’re probably right.  The missionary position (man on top) doesn’t exactly call for much on behalf of the woman except to lie there.  And since that has been the preferred and morally correct position of choice for many generations and subconsciously passed down as what is accgeptable durin sex, don’t be surprised if she talks the talk but can’t walk the walk.  Don’t let the lyrics to some of these rap songs lead you to believe that everyone gets down like that.

In an attempt to better understand my Stone Butch sistas, can you please enlighten me on why you don’t care to be on the receiving end?

Pillow Princesses, what’s the deal with giving?

Everyone else, get in where you fit in.

And now for the disclaimer…No, all Pillow Princesses aren’t Perpetrating Lesbians, curious, fem, or bisexual.  It is however, my opinion that most of them are.  And we know all about opinions…

By Jasmyne A. Cannick

Michelle Obama said her husband would fight for equal rights for gays at a Manhattan fundraiser for the Democratic National Committee’s Gay and Lesbian Leadership Council that raised 1.3 million dollars in a room of 200.

She also noted her husband had brought a call for equality to conservative groups, telling churchgoers they need to combat homophobia in the Black community. Amen!

“The world as it is should be one that rejects discrimination of all kinds,” she said.

In reports on her speech to the group Michelle drew connections between the Black civil rights movement to the gays rights movement.

“We are all only here because of those who marched and bled and died, from Selma to Stonewall, in the pursuit of a more perfect union,” she said at the event, held days before the anniversary of the 1969 Stonewall riots between gays and New York police, and the city’s annual gay pride parade.

And for the record, I agree with that. I don’t have a problem with drawing connections, I have a problem with saying that both struggles are the same. That they are not. I also have a problem—no make that a big problem, when gays who are not Black and who don’t do anything to even remotely close to supporting today’s Black civil rights movement (and dating a brotha or a sista doesn’t count) try to play on emotions and equate the struggles as being the same. Just so we’re clear.

It should also be noted that Obama opposes a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage and believes that states should make their own decisions on the matter. McCain for the most part believes the same, except he went the extra mile and helped to get it banned in his state.

Good thing marriage isn’t the only issue I am focused on because if it was, I’d have to question my own support of Obama.

If there was ever an example of why it’s so important to adequately fund foster care and mental illness programs, look no further than Starkeisha Brown and her girlfriend Krystal Matthews who are accused of abusing and torturing Brown’s 5-year-old son.

Brown and Matthews were each formally charged Tuesday with one count of torture and conspiracy, as well as other charges of child abuse, corporal injury to a child and dissuading a witness. They were scheduled to be arraigned Tuesday in Compton, California, but the hearing was moved to June 25. Brown’s and Matthews’ bail were set at $1.1 million and $1.08 million, respectively. The two are expected to plead not guilty, and each faces up to 25 years to life in prison if convicted.

The abuse and torture suffered by the 5-year-old at the hands of his mother, her girlfriend, and the child’s babysitter is unfortunate. No child should ever have to live through what that young boy endured.

But let’s be real. What happened to that 5-year-old has nothing to do with the fact that the two women were Black lesbians, because it’s been well documented that lesbian and gay parents are no more predisposed to abuse their children than heterosexual parents.

What should be setting off red flags for everyone is the fact that both of the two women were at one time during their own childhood wards of the State of California. And somewhere down the line “the system” and their community failed them.

True story. After spending 4 years “in the system” in various group homes and foster homes, I showed up one day to the Edmund D. Edelman’s Children’s Court in Monterey Park, California where a judge declared me emancipated from the system. There was no fanfare, no cake and ice cream. More importantly, there was no check to make sure that I wasn’t sleeping on the streets that night or even the invitation to go into an independent living program. I was simply free to go and was no longer a burden on the taxpayers of the State of California.

Today I am 30, and will admit that I stumbled across many bumps in the road from that day in El Monte up until today. At the time of my emancipation, all of the ingredients were there for me to end up as a prostitute on Figueroa or a mother on welfare. I could have easily been Starkeisha or Krystal. Not because I am also a Black lesbian, but because at 17 years-old, I was not prepared to take care of myself, let alone a child and for some young women coming out of “the system,” the only guarantee of a monthly income is welfare.

Mental health issues do not conveniently disappear when foster youth are emancipated. Plainly stated, if they had issues while they were in “the system,” without treatment, those issues are going to follow them out of “the system.”

So often, minors in “the system” are simply being babysat until their 18^th birthday. Sure there are group home and foster home placements that do make an effort to prepare foster youth for life outside of placement, but more often than not, when it’s time to go, most of us aren’t prepared for what waits beyond. At the end of the day, there are those of us that manage to make it and those that slip through the cracks. Such is the case with Starkeisha and Krystal.

I am not advocating that all foster youth end up in jail or on welfare, I am living proof that is not the case thanks to my grandparents. But what I am saying is that we cannot deny the number of Black youth in foster care or the number of those youth go from one system, the foster care system, to another system, the criminal justice system and welfare systems.

The foster care system must be adequately funded to provide these young men and women a fighting chance. A chance to not end up in yet another system, as another number, with another caseworker. It is clearly not enough to house, feed, and clothe these youth until their 18^th birthday. If we don’t provide them with the skills necessary to make it in the real world, we are doing nothing more than setting them up for a lifetime of failure. Many of these youth are dealing with serious psychological issues that need to be treated beyond the date of their emancipation.

Starkeisha and Krystal didn’t come into this world hardened criminals. Somewhere along the line, their parents failed them. And maybe they didn’t have grandparents to take up the role of parent in their lives so they were thrust into a system that by law mandated that they provide the basics for them until their 18^th birthday. It’s a tragic story that is repeated on every block in every neighborhood throughout urban communities. What makes this story all the more tragic is that now this 5-year-old boy is going to go into the same system his mother is a product of, thus continuing the cycle.

I don’t want to see inner city Black lesbian mothers stereotyped from this incident. Child abuse is child abuse, straight or gay. As a Black lesbian, I am no more prone to abuse my child than my heterosexual counterpart is. But I do want to see a community on fire regarding the state of our foster care system. I want to see a community rallying around this young boy to make sure that he is given a fighting chance in life and doesn’t end up like his mother. I want to see a community step forward to mentor and support the thousands of young Black men and women in our foster care system. And I want to see a community stand up against any further cuts in our foster care budget. That’s what should come out of this unfortunate set of circumstances, not the demonization of inner city Black lesbians.

By Jasmyne A. Cannick

I separated myself from the marriage movement some ago. Not because I am about as close to getting married as Hillary is to being President. It’s not because wearing white has a way of adding 20 pounds to my already voluptuous frame. No, I left the marriage movement after the realization that even though Blacks can at times be persuaded into willing participants in this country’s homophobia hysteria; and even though Blacks and Latinos have at times found themselves being played against each other by the Right, both the Black agenda for civil rights and fight for immigrant rights speak more to what’s important to me, as a lesbian, than fighting for gay marriage.

I agree with the basic principle that gay and lesbian couples should be allowed to marry each other. The way I see it, as long as we’re being taxed like everyone else in this country, we should be extended the same benefits, rights, and privileges as everyone else. That has never changed for me.

What did change for me, was my willingness to actively engage myself in a struggle that from the beginning and continues to be elitist. Plainly put, the gay marriage struggle is the perfect example of white gay America’s “superiority complex” in action.

Coming into the movement, a bit naïve, I bought into the gay rights movement without giving it a second thought. That marriage was the end all and above all other struggles. But it didn’t take too long for me to figure out what was going on and how.

Now, I must have missed the vote on what issue should gay America take up as its number one issue. Because had I been in on that conversation, I would not have supported making gay marriage the end all issue. Nor would I have supported the adoption of a strategy to achieve marriage that did not include any meaningful input from minority lesbians and gays.

From the onset, this movement has been about obtaining marriage for the white gay men and lesbian women who were also willing to fund it. Bottom line. Everyone else has just been along for the ride. And like with every civil rights movement since the 1960’s Black Civil Rights Movement, the leaders of the marriage movement boldly adopted its language while reciting quotes from Black civil rights leaders on national television and in newspaper articles. Figuring if it worked for them surely it will work for us.

Not thinking about how Blacks would take that message, they forged ahead on the backs of the Black Civil Rights Movement without ever instituting any if its core principles. So when Black ministers popped up on those same national television shows and in those same articles condemning the gay rights movement, Blacks were immediately labeled homophobic.

Sometime ago I wrote an article where I stated that even though the Black community can at times be homophobic, that I’d take my chances with homophobic Blacks than racist gays anytime, and today that’s even more true.

Almost everyone I know is concerned with the economy, the price of gallon of gasoline, unemployment, whether or nor they can pay their mortgage, rent, and car note, and universal healthcare. Plainly put, regardless of sexual orientation or citizenship, most people are more concerned with those domestic bread and butter issues which have taken center stage everywhere, that is except for within the gay civil rights movement where it has been full speed ahead on marriage.

And even though Blacks and Latinos are often successfully played against each other, when you get down to it, they are both fighting for the same thing, a way to provide for their families. Which is not to say that gays aren’t using marriage to do the same, but these days I’m more interested in fighting for healthcare for all people regardless of marital status.

Coalition building has never been gay America’s strong part, at least not where Black America is concerned, and that includes within Black gay America. Basically, there’s been a lot of talk but very little walk.

A perfect example of this is the fact that West Hollywood is all aglow with brides and grooms spending insane amounts of money in preparation to walk down aisle of holy matrimony, after the California Supreme Court ruled that same-sex couples have a constitutional right to marry.

However, directly due south, there are gays and lesbians trying to figure out how to rob Peter to pay Paul, squeeze blood out of a turnip, and make money grow from trees. Marriage, while they may be interested in it, doesn’t come before the basics—rent, food, bills, etc. But those aren’t the gays that are on the evening news celebrating. And those aren’t the images of gays that most Blacks see. What they see are images of wealthy white men and women to which they connect to a group of white people who used the 1960’s Civil Rights Movement as a blueprint to spearhead their own, and in California successfully.

In the coming months leading up the general election where an initiative has qualified for the California ballot that would ban gay marriage, Blacks and gays will undoubtedly be pitted against each other by conservatives. They are going to try and use the Old Testament and fear to call for a short-term partnership to ban gay marriage in California, frenemies.

To the extent that any of this matters to me enough to say anything, it will be to point out to my brothers and sisters that historically, neither white gays or white conservatives have ever been known to have the best interest of Blacks at heart. I will gladly remind Blacks that at the end of the day, what I do in my bedroom isn’t going to impact their lives but the conservative policies that are often pushed by the same people asking them support the marriage ban will. I will be more than happy to explain that while I am a lesbian, I oftentimes have more in common with my heterosexual sista than I do with my white counterparts and that we shouldn’t be in the business of discriminating against our own because there are Black same-gender loving folks that are going to be affected by the ban as well.

The days of me pushing the agenda of folks who have not been able to demonstrate the capability of thinking outside of the ring are over. I have decided that I’d much rather focus my time and energies on movements and with people who want to build meaningful coalitions to effect change for all and not just a select few.

That’s the movement I’m married to.

At 30, Jasmyne Cannick is a critic and commentator based in Los Angeles who writes about the worlds of pop culture, race, class, sexuality, and politics as it relates to the African-American community. Her work has been featured in the Los Angeles Times and Ebony Magazine. A regular contributor to NPR’s ‘News and Notes,’ she was chosen as one Essence Magazine’s 25 Women Shaping the World. She can be reached at www.jasmynecannick.com or www.myspace.com/jasmynecannick.

By Jasmyne A. Cannick

Okay so here’s my disclaimer: this isn’t going to be pretty and if you’re easily offended this isn’t for you. You may quietly exit now.

With that out of the way, I wanted to broach a subject that I’ve been meaning to write about for sometime on just who is and isn’t a lesbian, and who constitutes as a downlow sista.

Fact: there are women who are perpetrating among us. Yes, it’s true.

The latest indication of this was a trip to the club I took—wait no, let me rephrase that, a trip to a lesbian club, wherein the main attraction at the end of the night wasn’t one of the female dancers as you might expect, but rather a male dancer that cleaned up and I mean cleaned up! Not only did he walk away with more money than his handlers could hold, but the women giving him the money were damn near having conniptions and falling all over themselves in the process. Not a single one of the female dancers that performed before the male dancer raked in nearly as much money or fanfare.

I remember standing towards the back of the room with my friends. We were all in amazement at how the women, who were assumed to have been lesbian, were fawning over this man. And I’m going to keep it real. All of the women drooling over the male dancer were what we like to refer to as “fems.” While the majority of the women standing on the sidelines were “studs.” Not to mention that many of the women on the sidelines were watching their woman go crazy ape nuts over this male dancer.

And no—this isn’t a slight against the club. After all, that dancer wouldn’t be bringing in the dollars like he does if he wasn’t in demand. It’s just an observation.

Now there is a difference between being bisexual and being lesbian. Just like there’s a difference between being bisexual and passing time. Holla!

Now, there’s no consensus among my group of friends on this subject, and quite frankly, I don’t need one. I know what I know on this subject and it hasn’t steered me wrong yet.

There are women who sleep with women not because they’re lesbian, not even because they’re bisexual (in my opinion), but because their man isn’t treating them right, is locked up, or they don’t have a man at the moment.

These women are almost 100 percent of the time “fem,” many with kids, aren’t interested in really being in a relationship per se with a woman (although that doesn’t mean they won’t give it the ole’ college try), and don’t give a *bleep* about your Movement. More often than not, they’re interested in “studs” only, for obvious reasons, although that doesn’t mean they won’t mess with a “fem,” but “studs” are usually preferred. And don’t be shocked if she’s a pillow princess either (women who don’t reciprocate).

You won’t find these women at a meeting on gay marriage, lol, but you will find them up in the club, on the chat lines, and on the Internet on the prowl for some love and attention from the only place they think they can get it, another woman.

Now I am not hating on bisexuality. If that’s your thing so be it. But this isn’t about bisexuality. This is about women who know good and damn well that they aren’t trying to be in a real relationship with another woman when in fact what they are doing is killing time until he either starts to act right, gets released, or comes along.

These women more often than not don’t contribute anything to the community, except for drama when the *bleep* hits the fan.

I’ve seen it happen too many times. And quite frankly it’s giving us real lovers of women a bad rep, both inside and outside of the community.

And I’m not oblivious to the other side of this coin. The side that has lesbians specifically targeting heterosexual women in an attempt to “turn them out.” An argument might I add, that is constantly being lodged at lesbians by heterosexual men in an attempt to justify the recent rise in popularity of lesbianism.

But that’s a discussion for another day, back to the topic at hand…

I have a friend that I’ve known for over ten years. She is 28 with five kids. And in all the time I’ve known her, she been strictly-*bleep*. That is until her man was sent Upstate and she found herself alone raising five kids. All of a sudden I pop up and there’s some stud sitting on her couch and I’m looking at her like what the *bleep*, cause’ I know, like she knows, that ain’t her cup of tea.

Her excuse, “it beats being alone.”

Well that’s great for her until he comes back home, but what about the stud sitting on her couch.

And that’s just one example, there’s plenty more where that came from.

Being a lesbian isn’t something that you can conveniently turn on and off when the mood hits you. It’s not a fad. It’s not something that you do for fun.

Just like our ancestors died to make sure that we have the liberties that so many of us take for granted, so did a lot of Black lesbians and it really bothers me to see this disturbing trend on almost a daily basis now.

Now me personally, I don’t get involved with women who aren’t card carrying members of the National Association of Black Lesbians, lol. My gaydar is pretty good and like I said before, it hasn’t steered me wrong yet… at least on that issue.

But I am curious to hear from both the women that I am talking about and the women who engage these women knowing the situation. I’m wondering if it’s an issue of low self-esteem, the feeling like you can love her better than her man and that dildo is going to make her stay. What is it? Give me something here cause’ inquiring minds want to know.

And for the women who know good and damn well that they aren’t lesbians or even bisexual, why? What’s your rationale and then how should women who are lesbians and in this life for the good and the bad, the ups and the downs, who don’t turn it on and off when the mood hits them, how are we supposed to receive you, especially in this politically charged environment where are our very lives are being debated on a daily basis from the pulpit to the House Floor to the media?

Everyone else, get in where you fit in.

So I am finally blogging, and I apologize for the delay. It was election week here in California and I had work to do. Hopefully, my peeps at BET will understand and not be too mad for the delay.

So I thought I’d kick things off with discussing the news story that broke yesterday about a Black woman in Los Angeles who was thrown out of the restroom at the Beverly Hills Hotel after being mistaken for a man.

Yesterday, in Los Angeles with her attorney Gloria Allred, Tanya White says that she was kicked out of the exclusive Beverly Hills Hotel because she was dressed like a man.

According to news reports, a tearful Tanya White says she was “shocked and humiliated” when she was forced to leave the woman’s bathroom and escorted off the hotel’s premises, even though a friend confirmed to hotel security she was, in fact, a woman.

The incident happened on September 23, 2007 when White was at the hotel for a birthday party for friend and actress LisaRaye McCoy.

‘I felt under attack. What began as beautiful night ended up as one of the worst nights in my life. Ever since I was forced to leave the restroom, I have felt nervous and scared about using a public restroom,” White says.

White was dressed in something she calls “the cat in the hat.” She wore a white shirt, black blazer and black pants. She also wore a black knitted cap on her head.

She says she has dressed like this most of her life, but has never been forced to leave a restroom or any other place because of the way she dresses. “I felt dehumanized, especially because no one ever asked me any questions and never asked for my I.D.

To be called “it” and then forced to leave the restroom made me furious,” White says. “I never want to be treated with such disrespect again because of how I choose to dress.”

White and her attorney Gloria Allred, say they want the posh Beverly Hills Hotel to apologize and change its current policy about dress codes.

White says if she receives an apology from the hotel, she will not seek a financial settlement or file a lawsuit in the case.

White is a songwriter, producer and recording artist who has written songs for Janet Jackson, Babyface, and Seal.

To date, the Beverly Hills Hotel has not issued any comment about the case.

It was a year ago that we learned about New York’s 27 year-old Khadijah Farmer, who was forced to leave the popular Greenwich Village restaurant Caliente Cab Company after a woman coming out of the restroom mistook her for a man too.

Both women have lawsuits against the establishments that discriminated against them.

When I initially posted the story on my website, I received a lot of comments and emails about how Tanya looked like a boy so what did she expect.

The fact of the matter is, it doesn’t matter if Tanya looked like a boy, at the moment she told the security guard that she was a female, he should have backed off. Add to that, no person should ever be referred to as an “it.” That is clearly a derogatory and homophobic statement.

I really felt bad for Tanya when I heard about the story because it reminded me of the many times that I’ve had to explain to people in similar situations that my friend was a girl.

Once about 9 years ago, I was dating a Black butch lesbian. At the time, we were young and somewhat dumb and decided to move in together. It was her, her cousin, and me. Her cousin was also a butch lesbian. I remember that the first night in our new place, which was smack dab in South Los Angeles, 105th and Normandie Avenue to be exact, we decided to go to the corner liquor store and use the pay phone to call a friend. While they were on the phone two guys came from across the street and started asking them what “set” they were from. And before they could answer, they commenced to beating on them. I remember screaming “they’re girls leave them alone” and running into the liquor store to get help to no avail end up getting hit by one of the guys my damn self. When the guys finally realized that they were girls and better yet weren’t gang members they took off running, but the damage had already been done. And like I have never forgotten that incident, I am almost positive that they my ex and her cousin haven’t either.

In the African-American community, women like Tanya face discrimination almost every day from their own people. Add to that the added discrimination from the random security guard at a hotel.

I know that it’s no easy task to walk in the shoes of a butch lesbian. I often feel like I have it easy because most people don’t think I am a lesbian at first glance. And whether that’s a good or a bad thing, I don’t know. But I do know that it spares me having to deal with the attitudes and misconceptions that many people have about lesbians. Because if I hear, “you just need to find the right man” or “can I have a threesome with you and my girlfriend” one more time…

While it’s not fair, the fact of the matter is that feminine women are more likely to be accepted in our community than masculine women. But unlike feminine women who can and often do “pass” for being straight until proven otherwise, just by their physical appearance, most studs and butch women are forced to “come out” and do not get the luxury of turning it on and off depending on where they find themselves on any given day. And for many Black lesbians living in the hood, this can present a myriad of problems and unwanted confrontations and in some cases result in death. In case you didn’t know there’s been numerous hate crimes against Black lesbians in recent years.

This isn’t about Tanya White’s sexual orientation or what she had on. It’s about discrimination period, against ones race, gender, or sexual orientation.

Just like gay men who are effeminate are often the victims of hate crimes, unwanted stares, and homophobic slurs and rants, Black lesbian women face discrimination every day too.

You’d think that in 2008 when we’re on the verge of having our first Black president that people would react differently.

What do you think about Tanya’s case? Did Tanya deserve to be treated like that by virtue of how she was dressed? Or was the security guard wrong?

Holla!

I’m in the throes of a break-up – with someone I really thought could be ‘The One’.  There’ve only been two men in my life that ever hit the bell with that carnival sledgehammer force - this one being one of them - so it really f&%king hurts.  That and we were actually using the ‘M’ word quite a bit (his idea but I warmed up to the vision right away).  Anyway, we’re on the skids and it’s all I can do to draw breath regularly these days, much less post a blog.  Today’s a good day though so I decided to give writing publicly about this a whirl. 

See – here’s the thing.  When I make a daring decision like changing careers, moving to a new city, falling in love, my tendency is to go kamikaze style.  Each one of these challenges is fraught with pitfalls, danger, and strong possibility of failing miserably in front of everyone who knows you.  It seems, then, the only way to actually do it is to go kamikaze style – just jump right off the cliff.  Cause really, if you think too much about the danger of it all you’ll end up paralyzed with fear and either never do it or your timing will be off from timidity or you’ll be so full of negative worry energy, you’ll screw it up anyway.  Kamakazi style, you just free fall.  And if you win, you win big.  If you lose – well…it wasn’t meant to be and it was going to fail anyway.  Playing it safe is just doesn’t seem like an option to me, not if you want to have it all.  And I do.  I finally have the career I’ve always dreamed of, that of being a writer; I moved to and am living in my all time favorite city – New Orleans.  And now I’m ready for the love of a lifetime. 

So I have a bottom line/deal breaker issue cause I’m a woman of a certain age that’s been through enough to know what’s gonna work and what’s not.  And he crossed the line - twice.  As it turns out, he says he can’t promise he can meet this bottom line of mine.  He’s a good man, not disrespectful or dishonest or any of that.  I don’t know how his wiring works that made him unable to do it.  Oh, I have my informed hunches but that’s really all they are.  But ultimately, it wasn’t about why he couldn’t.  It’s about what I am not willing to experience, to ever go thru again. 

Knowing this and being able to look at myself objectively and know that I’m a loving woman with reasonable needs made the walk-away directive very clear for me.  Painful.  Heart-wrenching.  But clear and necessary.  And so I broke it off – kamikaze style.  I thanked him for his beauty and his love, wished him the best for him and his family, and I walked away with all the dignity and tearless-ness I could muster.

Each day since we split has been a full day of dying.  Now I know how plants that I forget to water feel as they are gasping for their last breaths, turning brown and hard and shriveling away.  That’s what happening to that thing inside of me that we created, the love. 

But I remember the many beautiful, romantic times we had, the hope I felt again about love and building a future with someone, and I feel fed from that, glad it happened, better than I would have been if it hadn’t happened.  So I’m just trying to keep one foot in front of the other, walking on into the sunset, to meet third-time’s-the-charm man.  And then, I’ll leap again - kamikaze style.

Jewish people say that in order to assure that a whole community is never again destroyed as almost happened during the Holocaust, the story of the tragedy must be told over and over to the world and into future generations.  The dictum goes, “We must never forget”.  And yet a mere 50 years later, the American city of New Orleans which recently galvanized the country with horrific images of a near apocalypse, is teetotaling on survival due to a waning federal attention span and commitment to rebuilding our community. 

We are now 31 months away from the day Hurricane Katrina crashed into the Gulf Coast and broke the faulty government-constructed levees in New Orleans. As many as 1,500 people died, hundreds of thousands of people evacuated the land, there are still tens of thousands who have not returned, and at least 300,000 homes were destroyed.  For the past 2 ½ years now, New Orleanians have gone about the formidable tasks of rebuilding every aspect of their lives against the backdrop of blocks upon city blocks of empty house shells displaying spray-painted tattoos detailing number of found bodies or which ones could not be checked because they were ‘TFW’ (Totally Full of Water), visual scars to remind us of our community’s near demise. 

And although it appears at times that the rest of the country’s attention has moved on, there is at least one local collective working to tell our story and to ensure that we, this country, and the world never forgets what happened in New Orleans.

A group of 16 local artists, partnering with the Ashé Cultural Arts Center of New Orleans and Eve Ensler, playwright, director, and author of ‘The Vagina Monologues’, have produced an original theater piece entitled, ‘Swimming Upstream’, to ensure there is an artistic record of the experiences of New Orleanians post Hurricane Katrina.  ‘Swimming Upstream’ will premiere on the floor of the Superdome during SUPERLOVE, part of “V TO THE TENTH,” V-Day’s 10th Anniversary, to be held in New Orleans April 11-12, 2008.  The piece is being produced by Ashé and V-Day and plans are in place to take the show on a national tour, targeting cities in particular where displaced New Orleanians have settled. 

For over a year now, these actors and writers have met monthly at the Ashé Center with Ms. Ensler to develop their monologues.  A unique feature of this play is that the stories are all told solely by women, their voices, their perspectives.  It is the women who give birth to the story of our community’s life, death and resurrection, another shadowy symmetry to Jewish history and tradition in which the lineage is passed through the mother because, as the old saying goes, “you always know who your mamma is.” 

Karel Sloane-Boekbinder, stage manager for ‘Swimming Upstream’, described how the gender-specific process of play’s development came to be, explaining that sixteen women already associated with Ashe, ranging in age from 19 to 80, wrote the play which came out of workshops, story sharing, and interviews with people who were not part of collective.  “The piece focuses on how women here took survival into own hands - before, during and after the storm.  Whatever happened to the family, whether they evacuated or stayed, it was because the matriarch made it happen.  There are no male actors on stage.  But males are discussed in the context of the story.”  Sloane-Boekbinder adds that while men weren’t purposely excluded, it was liberating to have an all-female process.  “People were able to share their experiences and be heard, to grieve, celebrate, be vulnerable…It was an opportunity to share the losses of people, places and things.”    

In many cases, it was first time the women had spoken aloud about losing family members or neighbors.  Sloane-Boekbinder, who along with Ensler, took notes during the workshops, which she describes as “very emotional and intense.  What I took with me” is a big theme,” she recalled.  “Everyone has a list of the things they took with them when they evacuated.”  She also noted that cast members are not performing their own personal story because of the emotional nature of the work, and to protect their privacy and the privacy of their family and friends. 

According to Carol Bebelle, director of Ashe Cultural Center and ‘Swimming Upstream’ co-producer, the initial idea for the piece came from ‘The Vagina Monologues’ playwright Eve Ensler who was in New Orleans some months after the storm doing humanitarian work with a church in the lower Ninth Ward.  Ensler approached Bebelle with the idea of doing a piece and the possibility that they partner with Ashe to produce it.  Bebelle said, “I told her that it’s a great idea but I think it’s better to use local talent here.” 

The end result for the premier piece is a mix of local and celebrity talent.  Kenny Leon, a highly acclaimed director, producer and actor who is dedicated to preserving and refreshing the African American classics, is directing ‘Swimming Upstream’.  The readings will be performed by film actress Kerry Washington, two as-of-yet unannounced celebrity actors, and four local actors.  The play also includes original music by local artist Troi Bechet.

“We needed to have our own writers, performers and cultural bearers talking about the catastrophe,” said Bebelle.  Writing work about anger, sadness, prayer, relationship with God, and life lessons were developed into poems, short stories, songs…all about strong women swimming upstream…  Women in New Orleans have been finding the will and creativity to tell the children that adults are still in charge; to not need our men more than they can be needed so they can deliver on what they can do; to be the counselors for everyone, often at the expense of ourselves… We are swimming upstream against the currents, against questions about whether we have a right to come home, to rebuild, the have the right to redefine our community.  We are all swimming against current notions, against these questions, these ideas about democracy. Swimming upstream becomes metaphor for all that.”

It can also be said that New Orleanians are swimming upstream against the negative image of being a people with misplaced priorities, prone to irresponsible, bacchanalian partying in the face of a desperate and tragic circumstances and perhaps not worth investing in.  Eve Ensler, while in New Orleans recently for the V-Day press conference, reconstituted the newcomer’s analysis of the way locals respond to this environment with the following observations: 

“One of the things I did notice about New Orleans right away is that people live with incredible insecurity and acceptance of insecurity.  When I was talking to people down here…they were taking about the fact, each person had an emergency measure for how to escape from their house.  Everyone just talked about it very casually like, ‘I’ve got my gear…I’ve got my flashlight…I’ve got my battery…I’ve got my water.’  But it wasn’t with panic, it wasn’t with alarm.  It’s just like ‘what we do…’  And it makes people here more friendly, it seems to me, more caring, more community-based because they’re not trying to save up for their personal protection and security.  They get that there is none.  So they’re just in the party, in the streets…they’re in the world.”  

(See Eve Ensler interview and the V-10th Second Line parade here in New Orleans:

http://videos.nola.com/times-picayune/2008/03/eve_ensler_in_new_orleans.html)

 With regards to the perception of this recovering city’s complicated culture and personality, Sloane-Boekbinder remarks, “Resilience is a hallmark of this region.  We’ve always found a way to rebuild and celebrate at the same time.  To outsiders, we may seem frivolous.  But we know how to make life out of death.  Because we’ve done it before…fires and floods, resurrection over and over again.”  Adds Bebelle, “We (in New Orleans) do a good job of making a ritual…to process that which you have no control of.  We’ve lost ability to predict what’s going to happen here.  We’re vulnerable now.  Understanding that gives us power to know what we’ll do now, in the moment…And there’s something to be said for making it through.  And when your back is against the wall, magic happens.  We’ve got to be able to tell these stories too.  Swimming Upstream stories tell the balance of it all.” 

The partnership between the Ashe collective and Eve Ensler has further reaching implications than just the creation of a sole body of theatrical work.  Bebelle hopes that ‘Swimming Upstream’ becomes an ambassador piece for New Orleans much like ‘The Vagina Monologues’ has done for women’s empowerment.  The Vagina Monologues’ has grown into a global movement to end violence against women and girls through the annual staging of thousands of benefit productions around the world which raise funds for local groups, shelters, crisis centers working to end violence against women.  “(Swimming Upstream) is a play to help keep people hooked to the people and the city and to frame how people choose to look at us”, said Bebelle.  “The Vagina Monologues is a model of what can happen.  We saw the potential for that long-term affect with this play.  Swimming Upstream hopefully can do for New Orleans what Eve and The Vagina Monologues has done for women.” 

“Swimming Upstream is how we can help America know that we know what they can do and can’t do for us.  And to let them know we need them to walk with us and not leave us behind.” 

And to remind them of the story of this tragedy, of a civilization almost obliterated.  So that we should never forget.

V TO THE TENTH, V-Day’s Tenth Anniversary featuring ‘Swimming Upstream’
April 11-12, 2008   New Orleans Superdome.  For more information, go to http://www.vday.org