If there’s one conversation that brings out the most stubborn extremities among black folk, it’s talking about homosexuality. Still, I’m grateful that BET is even discussing the topic. It reflects, perhaps, a realization that keeping silent about gay and lesbian members of our community has not served any of us well. For the inevitable muck that occurs when a thirty minute show attempts to tackle a vast array of topics related to black gays and lesbians, it is certain that BET’s recent episode of “Meet the Faith” has got people talking. Asked to blog for the next week or so about this topic I was both honored and a bit anxious. An unapologetic gay-identified man who remains more optimistic than most about my place in the black community, it may be most upsetting, at least to some, that I’m rather resolved about my place in the black community. An educator, scholar, hip hop artist, coach, athlete, and author, I know that the black community’s uplift and progress won’t happen without warriors like me on the frontlines. Given some of the initial blog comments I will likely disappoint those of you who want to have biblical debate. I’m more interested in how people are treated. I’ll leave the biblical banter to folks like my father, a minister, who, after quite a (continuing) journey, manages to love and support his gay son, despite the overwhelming consensus that he might be a “false prophet”. If false prophesying is operating in kindness and love, unlike many of the comments I’ve thus far read, then maybe black folk need more of them. I believed I might be a Christian, but many of the comments thus far have me wondering if I even want to be associated with such intolerance and hatefulness. Scripture isn’t a justification for hateful behavior.

My Christian grandmother understood this. The first person to understand and accept my sexuality, she knew, as well as anyone, that to deny the reality of my orientation was to deny me altogether. She also gave me another gift, the permission to be truthful with her. After her passing I grew pretty depressed for not having others I believed I could speak with honestly about my feelings. The problem is that we begin so many of these conversations by letting “political discourse” overshadow the core of who we are as individuals. We prioritize agendas over very critical questions about who we are, our experiences, our desire to belong and flourish as individuals and as community. My grandmother had a deep longing to know her grandchildren before her passing. I wonder how many black people out there continue to live (and die) not truly knowing the gay and lesbian members of their families. So many gay and lesbian black people die with curious obituaries: unmarried, the catch all “cancer”, and with utter denial about how they have truly lived their lives: no mention of partner, friends, etc… It is this shameful disease– silence– that BET has challenged on “Meet the Faith”; even if it exposes us as one very divided black nation.

It might be an unpopular view that I personally believe that the onus is on black gays and lesbians to become more visible. It isn’t without risk. But we have used the traumatic echo of dehumanization as an excuse to continue hiding (from ourselves and our families). If all black gays and lesbians (yes, in the church) came out tomorrow, this conversation would end. And while that’s unlikely, I hope that a few brave souls find courage and conviction to begin a dialogue, not with stubborn political allegiance to biblical interpretations or stereotypes, but truth about how we desire, choose to love, decide to live. I was at Toronto Pride in Canada yesterday after a set of hip hop performances and encountered a mother with her adult son (likely my age, 35). His mother was not some excited Trinidadian PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) mom with rainbow in tote. She seemed a thoughtful mother who had simply accepted what her son had probably struggled to accept for much of his life. Her love for her son was more powerful than political agendas or religious dogma. The most special moment during my visit there was a simple “thank you” to her, for being an example that people can respond differently than seems to be the norm. I am fortunate enough to have a mother like this also. She is the source of my courage to live in the full truth of how God speaks to and through me, not always understanding, but most certainly always choosing to love.

This week BET’s “Meet the Faith” took on homosexuality in Black America – how we view it, the frictions it causes in our community and how gays and lesbians themselves live their lives in the face of hate, prejudice and relatives and friends who misunderstand them.

 Who knew actress Sheryl Lee Ralph was such a staunch supporter of gay people? She came out swinging – shoulders shaking and full of emotion – arguing with Zoe Ministries pastor, the Rev. Bishop Bernard Jordan in support of gay right.

 Jordan, who leads Zoe Ministries, was the voice for African-American clergy opposed to gay rights and gay marriage. To be fair, he was the only one defending his position on the panel, so he was definitely outgunned by Lee’s star power and Boykin’s familiarity with the subject. But Jordan was neither persuasive nor passionate about his point. He insisted, however, that there’s nothing to debate: the Bible says homosexuality is wrong so it is wrong. Jordan says while he doesn’t oppose homosexuals just because of who they are he insists that the act of homosexual sex is sinful.

Gay activist, author and attorney Keith Boykin (who also used to be a White House aide) was also on the show. Boykin reminded Jordan that the Bible was also used to defend slavery and discrimination against women. 

Boykin also argued that  the whole “down low” syndrome is part of the larger right wing “conspiracy” against homosexuality. There are no stats to back the notion that high rate of AIDS in black women is a result of black gay men who bring it home to them, he says.

Today, black gay author, poet and hip-hop musician Tim’m West will blog about homophobia in the black community right here.  Come back to check out his posts all next week and see how a hip-hop head, artist and socially conscious brother understands his place in the world and our community.

 Until then, check out the cartoon below. Talented designer and cartoonist Rajan Sedalia, who created it, will bring his biting visual commentary on different topics  every week to this blog.

Are you gay or lesbian or are you close to a gay or lesbian person? What are your views on homosexuality? Should our community be more accepting of it”? Hit the “comments” tab above and speak your mind.

Make sure you check out “Meet the Faith” every Sunday at 11 a.m.  and 10 p.m. (ET/PT) for “Meet the Faith,” America’s weekly roundtable tackling all the big issues facing Black America