it boils

this mountain God could have chosen to move

remains stagnant… if beautifully monumental

but therein lies something

beneath the layers

even more special

kept secret

for all the stubborn belief

of what should and should not be

but is.

would understanding it do anything

but save us

from our own ignorance?

 

someday it will quake

draw attention to blind eyes turned away

like a mountain, resilient and steadfast

in its faith

that there is reason for this…

and so it has survived

maimed and silenced

stomped on and poked at

neglected and taken for granted

it is still here

 

there is so much we’ve needed to know

so much that we shut ears and eyes to

preferring the ruse peace in the valley

stubborn to our fear

of how burdensome it is

how it should change

so we don’t have to

but it is not this way for nothin

is almost always

beyond what we see

with naked eyes

 

turned out

fed up and forced to vent

it will someday erupt

will burn and send ash flying

into the hearts of anyone

who preferred to pretend

it was not, too,

a perfect creation of God

with purpose, if seeming incidental

 

cyclic

it will remind

will burn cities

an inevitable destruction

a (re)cleansing

for those who have forgettenn humility

playing God rather than simply praying to God

forgetting

there is absolutely nothing not of God

and this will be so

as it has always been

until there remains

nothing at all

as it was in the beginning

and again…

until we get it right.

1. because it drives men into closets, leading to the very DL phenomenon that people (perhaps erroneously) blame for the increased rates among HIV/AIDS in the black community.

2. because so many have already died and our community ignored it for years.

3. because it makes no sense to talk about fighting AIDS with a homophobic agenda as curative. People kill me trying to have a discussion about AIDS while ignoring the homophobic ignorance that is largely responsible for the connected silence and shame. As my fellow Brave Soul colleague Erik Chambers has said: “silence is more toxic than the disease itself”.

4. because, unlike my survival of a teenage suicide attempt, some young black boy or girl somewhere is contemplating whether or not life is worth living, given the hateful rhetoric and speech promoted (unfortunately) in the spaces where young people should feel safest: in our churches and in our families.

5. because too many black children are homeless because they are cast out by their families. Many are forced into survival sex.

6. because some black gay man who has transitioned because of AIDS will have a funeral today that makes no mention of how he died. If partnered, his better half will not likely receive a mention in the program. His partner, amidst the enormous pain of the loss, might even be barred from funeral services, or kicked out of a home shared by the two. When many black gay men die, there are often two mournings: one by an immediate family who, often, refused to know their child, sibling, aunt, uncle, or cousin, beyond the certainty that they were unmarried and had no children; another by friends who are largely dismissed as being the “family” they came to be for their beloved.

7. because some young boy, right now, is being harassed and is being called all sorts of names for not fitting norms expected of young boys: sissy, faggot, punk, girl. because another young boy, right now, as masculine as any other is as conflicted about his identity, because of the false assumption (and pressure) that he MUST grow up to be straight. Compulsory sexuality is a dangerous thing.

8. because lesbians are dying of breast cancer. Because of Lorraine Hansbury, Audre Lorde, June Jordan.

9. because gay men and lesbians are parents who raise children. More black children than assumed are raised by gay and lesbian parents. Because many of their ability to be good, nurturing parents is necessarily questioned by courts, despite preferences of the child or no evidence of neglect or abuse. In some states, being gay is enough alone to disqualify parenting.

10. because a loving, productive home for a black child is a good home, not a straight one. because i don’t tolerate anyone teasing my (children.

11. because saying that gay men must want to be women underscores the rampant sexism in our community, ever or especially by women (who equate woman with weak). because when gay men are “men” in their eyes, we are considered “wastes”, “nasty”, or “emasculated”. because the idea of somone’s manhood being “taken” when it is, consensually, given, IS misguided.

12. because of Sakia Gunn died a teenage lesbian for refusing to desire a man

13. because far too many people use gays as the choice diversion from their own mess.

14. because the black community would and will be nothing without the support and dedication of some of its bravest cultural warriors (yes… who have been and who are gay, lesbian, bi, trans).

15. because i simply don’t tolerate it. period. and will fight to the death to ensure that my life and that of my future family is as protected and safe as anyone else’s.

16. because some of us bash and fight back. (not promoting violence here, but I’m just saying).

17. because NBA athletes, perhaps some happy about their entry in last night’s draft (which was the best to watch in many years), should, if gay, be able to compete and contribute without real men tripping.

18. because i am not asking for people to accept or condone my sexuality, only to treat me with respect because of my choice to follow my natural orientation.

19. because every black Hip Hop head should listen to my album “blakkboy blue(s)”, without pre-judgement: www.cdbaby.com/timmwestmusic

20. because God is love…

21. and… for all the reasons I’ve failed to mention. and that others, hopefully, will…

i mean… what a threesome?!? (Hey, most aren’t getting my jokes, but I thought i’d try).

Insert reflective, baritone, essayist voice here—>

I was raised alongside 4 brothers: all athletes, singers, musicians (most doing religious music), emcees, and (being ladies men) most certainly my father’s sons. We grew up making beats on the front porch and exchanging rhymes and riffs. Hip Hop is inextricable to who we are as young black men in America. So why is it such a shock that gay men would also desire to embrace this culture that has been so enormously influential at the turn of the 21st Century? And why is it assumed that gay black men and straight black men have nothing in common, a la 50’s response to a question of what he thought about gays being: I have nothing in common with “fag(*^&” (to paraphrase). Well 50, I know more than a few homos you should meet. Ya’ll could exchange gunshots and war wounds, talk about your sexual prowess, and disrespect women. Values do not come in “gay” and “straight”. No 50, I don’t have much in common with you, but it’s not because I’m gay.

As my song “Man Up” suggests:

“A man is responsible, A man is truthful, A man follows his heart, with s(*& gets crucial, a man keeps it real for real, despite how anyone feels, that’s whassup, raise em up, man up!”

But focusing the energy on the homo keeps most straight males’ dirty laundry out of the eye of public scrutiny. Like many Christians, everyone needs somebody that makes them feel wonderful about all that’s wrong with them. “At least I ain’t no ________”. I’m sure you can fill in that blank.

Among the clips shown in Sunday’s “Meet the Faith” was the now infamous segment where Byron Hurt, Director of “Hip Hop: Beyond Beats and Rhymes” asks Busta Rhymes, Talib Kweli, and Mos Def (among others) about homophobia in Hip-Hop. Having spoken to the vast array of other topics presented in the film, the men respond to the question of homophobia by leaving the room (as Busta does) or the cursory and complicit fist-pound, by ironically “conscious” emcees like Mos Def.

It’s probably no surprise to people that Hip-Hop, like the church or military or the professional sports, is having its boundaries tested. These are MEN’S spaces, qualified by a tightly circumscribed manhood that, for some, is equated with “thug”, “gangsta”, or “pimp”. As a rapper who has been making music in the underground since the early 90’s it’s been interesting to grow up, and (for the most part) not have Hip-Hop grow up with me. This isn’t to romanticize Hip-Hop’s golden era; but I do think that there were a broader variety of topics and personalities allowed to spit on the mic– with far greater consciousness around issues that affected black people. As suggested in Hurt’s film, a record like “Self-Destruction” would cause an artist today to “self-destruct” because record labels “don’t wanna hear that…”.

So why do I rap? And why, as a gay artist, do i insist on doing so openly? Cuz the topics are getting pretty boring and mundane. Truthfully, we desperately need to expand the experiences reflected in Hip-Hip. To that end, I even appreciate Christian Hip-Hop, so long as it’s something different with a message, reflecting some real talent, and isn’t bashing me every three verses. Hip-Hop has the potential to be so powerfully revolutionary. Then again, the record execs wouldn’t have that, would they? Still, at what point do artists take accountability for the negativity, sexism, violence, and homophobia they encourage without scapegoating “the man”. I’m too powerful a brotha to give a “man” I ain’t met that much credit. Man up, fellas!

I suppose that if the Christians are all heated about me accepting myself fully, then why not also give something for the Hip-Hop community to have angst about. After all, if as Kanye West suggested, gay is considered the complete opposite of Hip-Hop, then a gay emcee like me is a bit of an oxymoron, right? Can’t be Christian, Can’t be Hip-Hop, Can’t be? Watch me: become, believe, be brave.

I suppose I’ve always been about breaking down barriers and stereotypes, not for the sake of stirring stuff up, but because I continue to be amazed and troubled by the delusions that we black people allow ourselves to sit with…unchecked… and especially around sexuality: that we aren’t all over the church, that we are all tormented by this “lifestyle” people keep referring to, that we haven’t always produced, b-boyed, emceed in the Hip Hop industry (where some would have us believe that we’re just hairdressers, stylists, and dancers), or that we don’t seek the very same life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness the Constitution (supposedly) affords us. As a black man alone, I’m all to wary of constitutional broken promises. I’ve been willing to be on the front lines of Civil Rights generally, though I don’t buy that being a free black man, if remain imprisioned because of my sexuality, is freedom at all. And don’t give me that… “you didn’t choose to be black, you chose to be a homosexual”. Show me the ballot. Maybe I just couldn’t get enough oppresion in America, so I added gay to the equation to test my resilience?! That’s it: Gay and lesbian black people have oppression addiction syndrome. We can’t get enough of it.

And don’t get me wrong. For anyone who seems to think i’m “defensive” or “hurt” or other words that have been used to describe me, I’m extremely hopeful, optimistic, well-adjusted, and resolved about who I am and the man I’m becoming. Perhaps some are projecting, because they’ve created a stereotype of the tormented, gay individual, painfully seeking acceptance thorugh sexual encounters, eternally unfulfilled and, therefore, entrapped in a cycle of perversity. Hey, I can’t say there aren’t those who fit that bill. America’s done a great job of giving black gays and lesbians a lot to look forward to. Which is all the more reason why one’s decision to stand up, accept, and thrive as a productive citizen, despite the blacklash, is heroic. I come from a long line of hereos and sheroes who paved such a path for me, among them Audre Lorde, Pat Parker, James Baldwin, Bayard Rustin, Sylvester, Marlon Riggs, and so many others.

But back to this interesting confluence in this conversation between Hip-Hop and Christianity. They both largely don’t believe I belong there, both have their own sharp sets of standards which deem me an unacceptable participant, and yet they are so often at odds with each other. It’s an interesting reality to live with: black, Christian, gay, emcee, athlete, and educator. And the reality is, as unusual as it seems, that there are probably so many others like me who are not allowed to be. And this is why I speak up and embrace the “all that I am”, even if folk, like the person responsible for the following thinks that both Hip-Hop and Homosexuality are perverted bedfellows corrupting society.

darkkhild1612 on June 26th, 2007

1. Christ can change anyone that wants to change. And it is your right to choose how you want to live and whom you want to fall in love with. And maybe this will sound like one of those unorganized thoughts,but you seem defensive about something you openly gave others the opprotunity to comment on. Just a thought. And God bless you as well. And Hip Hop is no better than Homosexuality. A bunch of money hung(ry) people leading our youth todown a path of destruction. But you be blessed.

Thank you. Blessed I am, Hip-Hop I am too. I’m a well-adjusted, (relatively) successful human being. My mom and dad love me, my sibs love me, and someday some black mother’s son is gonna build a life with me. Tormented, I’m not; though I can understand how the church can seize on some of the “pain” homosexuals experience as a outgrowth of “perversion” or “lifestyle choice” and not a society hell-bent on denying it’s natural occurance. What is Hip-Hop, like Christianity, gonna do about those of us who choose to embrace those aspects of who we are despite popular or public rebuke? What do you say to those of us who are grateful, hopeful, inspired about how far we’ve come under unusually challenging circumstances, and who like, Alice Walker’s character Celie or Bill T. Jones, are “still here!”

Hopeful!

 

yes, a practicing homosexual.  there… i said it!  Am i practicing now, or everyday? Of course not, though some would have you believe that we’re nothing but sex machines. No more than many practicing heterosexuals “practice” their heterosexuality do i “practice” mine. Desire and sexual attraction is not something you forget, it’s natural in the sense that it occurs in nature and in the animal kingdom.  I know… blah blah blah humans are elevated animals, no adam and steve, the parts don’t fit (could have fooled me?!), i can’t get another man pregnant, yeah yeah duh!?.  I’d like to see something beyond these and other cliches denying homosexuality’s “naturalness”.  I’m interested in an exchange between spiritual leaders and the scientific community about the nature of homosexuality (psychology, genetics, sociology, etc…).  I think that far too often, people scapegoat scriptures as a way to avoid a real conversation about why it exists with such frequency in the first place.  When i was a little kid, i recall asking moms why homosexuals were going to burn in hell.  She simply stated that it was because the Bible said so.  I asked her what she thought.  She replied that she thought what the Bible thinks.  I didn’t realize that the Bible “thought”; I just believed that it dictated.  I wonder why God gave us brains for thinking critically, if it would be so discouraged and frowned upon? And I majored in philosophy. Go figure?!  Maybe studying philosphy makes people gay.

Let’s get real, there are a lot of us homosexuals and even more who you don’t even know about: scary, huh? And i don’t buy that “homosexual spirit” stuff I grew up hearing from preachers like my dad and other good Christians.  Pops has since renounced that “theory” along with the belief that he could train a young man out of homosexuality.  He thought he would football and military it out of me, but just raised a tough, masculine homosexual; gay desire doesn’t (always) wear a dress. It’s a pretty resilient spirit. 

Seriously speaking, I think there are many reasons why people may come to lead a homosexual lifestyle, among them choice. As for me, I don’t ever recall choosing a life where I’d be called an abomination, denied the opportunity to explore a loving relationship, prevented from participation in my community because of my affections. I fasted and prayed for years and just got frail, dizzy, and demoralized. When that didn’t work I figured I’d try to kill myself, but couldn’t even do that right.  Star student, star athlete, I had everything going for me, except that homo spirit. I kept hearing that suicide was a worse sin than being a homo, so the Christians really made it pretty hard for me to choose; talk about a rock and hard place. The desire wasn’t (and isn’t) going anywhere.  I know that there are plenty of omnipotent, omniscient mortals who are good buddies with the almighty G and who object. Many of you are so resolved about what God can or cannot do, and think i can change: the whole ex-gay, okay to be gay, just live in a purgatory abstinate state for the remainder of your life kinda gay. I decided that life has been painful enough. I think God would rather me live, praise, uplift my peoples, continue to do good in the world.  I can’t do as much good all dejected, depressed, and anxious all the time. None of us are meant to have our praise burdened in this way. I wish some would consider that God’s power is likely beyond their grasp or what exists in one book. Oh…i forgot: the word is all there is. My bad. 

I’ve done a lot of reading since the Bible that has given me reason to question the authoritative deployment and adaptation of scripture by men with agendas.  Again, I’m not here to debate scripture; there are others who can do so more eloquently. I know what God is capable of: sparing the life of a young man who didn’t believe he deserved one, and continuing to bless him. He is already all right. That young man grew up and is me.  But many will disagree; though I always find it funny when someone says they don’t agree with my sexuality.  I don’t agree with celery, but it exists. My sexuality is not really debatable. My word against, yours:  I’m here, God loves me, get used to it.  (smile)

We also seem to be afraid of this “sex” word in the middle of categories created to compartmentalize desire.  Sex for me is preferred in the context of a monogamous relationship, which I do not now have, but am open to.  Still, I’m considered a “practicing” homosexual, as opposed to a non-practicing one, or ex gay, because i expect a life partner, like I expect that God will love me tomorrow as surely as he does today.  Reading many of the comments, I become more and more convinced that we don’t even have an understanding of some of the critical terms in order to be able to have an effective conversation.

Among the misunderstandings is the confusion of “gender orientation” and “sexual orientation”. Relying heavily on the kinds of stereotypes promoted on “Men on Film”, gay men have largely been the butt of jokes– or lesbian sisters curiously absent altogether or the extension of heterosexual pimp fantasies.  Gender orientation describes where one identifies on the gender continuum (male to female).  We all know perfectly heterosexual women who aren’t especially feminine, as we know gay men who are quite masculine.  Sexual orientation describes, one’s affectional orientation, which may or may not include sex.  Therefore, many homosexuals who aren’t practicing, rather than being heterosexual, are just abstaining homosexuals. I’m a masculine, practicing homosexual who aspires a partner and who wants to raise children, beyond the hundreds I’ve mentored and taught over the years.  My students have loved and valued my presence, even when their parents have been erroneously concerned about contagion, recruitment, or influence. If being around gays makes you gay, then what happened to me? I was raised by heterosexuals and reared with them.  I guess it didn’t rub off?!     

Okay.  I know we all won’t agree on the terms, and some are probably overwhelmed by the information and my opinionatedness.  Hey, it’s a blog.  I think I played it a bit safe in yesterday’s post.  Plenty of random, not so well organized thoughts have been presented.  Discuss among yourselves.  And God bless.  Tomorrow I think i’ll change course and talk about Hip Hop. 

If there’s one conversation that brings out the most stubborn extremities among black folk, it’s talking about homosexuality. Still, I’m grateful that BET is even discussing the topic. It reflects, perhaps, a realization that keeping silent about gay and lesbian members of our community has not served any of us well. For the inevitable muck that occurs when a thirty minute show attempts to tackle a vast array of topics related to black gays and lesbians, it is certain that BET’s recent episode of “Meet the Faith” has got people talking. Asked to blog for the next week or so about this topic I was both honored and a bit anxious. An unapologetic gay-identified man who remains more optimistic than most about my place in the black community, it may be most upsetting, at least to some, that I’m rather resolved about my place in the black community. An educator, scholar, hip hop artist, coach, athlete, and author, I know that the black community’s uplift and progress won’t happen without warriors like me on the frontlines. Given some of the initial blog comments I will likely disappoint those of you who want to have biblical debate. I’m more interested in how people are treated. I’ll leave the biblical banter to folks like my father, a minister, who, after quite a (continuing) journey, manages to love and support his gay son, despite the overwhelming consensus that he might be a “false prophet”. If false prophesying is operating in kindness and love, unlike many of the comments I’ve thus far read, then maybe black folk need more of them. I believed I might be a Christian, but many of the comments thus far have me wondering if I even want to be associated with such intolerance and hatefulness. Scripture isn’t a justification for hateful behavior.

My Christian grandmother understood this. The first person to understand and accept my sexuality, she knew, as well as anyone, that to deny the reality of my orientation was to deny me altogether. She also gave me another gift, the permission to be truthful with her. After her passing I grew pretty depressed for not having others I believed I could speak with honestly about my feelings. The problem is that we begin so many of these conversations by letting “political discourse” overshadow the core of who we are as individuals. We prioritize agendas over very critical questions about who we are, our experiences, our desire to belong and flourish as individuals and as community. My grandmother had a deep longing to know her grandchildren before her passing. I wonder how many black people out there continue to live (and die) not truly knowing the gay and lesbian members of their families. So many gay and lesbian black people die with curious obituaries: unmarried, the catch all “cancer”, and with utter denial about how they have truly lived their lives: no mention of partner, friends, etc… It is this shameful disease– silence– that BET has challenged on “Meet the Faith”; even if it exposes us as one very divided black nation.

It might be an unpopular view that I personally believe that the onus is on black gays and lesbians to become more visible. It isn’t without risk. But we have used the traumatic echo of dehumanization as an excuse to continue hiding (from ourselves and our families). If all black gays and lesbians (yes, in the church) came out tomorrow, this conversation would end. And while that’s unlikely, I hope that a few brave souls find courage and conviction to begin a dialogue, not with stubborn political allegiance to biblical interpretations or stereotypes, but truth about how we desire, choose to love, decide to live. I was at Toronto Pride in Canada yesterday after a set of hip hop performances and encountered a mother with her adult son (likely my age, 35). His mother was not some excited Trinidadian PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) mom with rainbow in tote. She seemed a thoughtful mother who had simply accepted what her son had probably struggled to accept for much of his life. Her love for her son was more powerful than political agendas or religious dogma. The most special moment during my visit there was a simple “thank you” to her, for being an example that people can respond differently than seems to be the norm. I am fortunate enough to have a mother like this also. She is the source of my courage to live in the full truth of how God speaks to and through me, not always understanding, but most certainly always choosing to love.

This week BET’s “Meet the Faith” took on homosexuality in Black America – how we view it, the frictions it causes in our community and how gays and lesbians themselves live their lives in the face of hate, prejudice and relatives and friends who misunderstand them.

 Who knew actress Sheryl Lee Ralph was such a staunch supporter of gay people? She came out swinging – shoulders shaking and full of emotion – arguing with Zoe Ministries pastor, the Rev. Bishop Bernard Jordan in support of gay right.

 Jordan, who leads Zoe Ministries, was the voice for African-American clergy opposed to gay rights and gay marriage. To be fair, he was the only one defending his position on the panel, so he was definitely outgunned by Lee’s star power and Boykin’s familiarity with the subject. But Jordan was neither persuasive nor passionate about his point. He insisted, however, that there’s nothing to debate: the Bible says homosexuality is wrong so it is wrong. Jordan says while he doesn’t oppose homosexuals just because of who they are he insists that the act of homosexual sex is sinful.

Gay activist, author and attorney Keith Boykin (who also used to be a White House aide) was also on the show. Boykin reminded Jordan that the Bible was also used to defend slavery and discrimination against women. 

Boykin also argued that  the whole “down low” syndrome is part of the larger right wing “conspiracy” against homosexuality. There are no stats to back the notion that high rate of AIDS in black women is a result of black gay men who bring it home to them, he says.

Today, black gay author, poet and hip-hop musician Tim’m West will blog about homophobia in the black community right here.  Come back to check out his posts all next week and see how a hip-hop head, artist and socially conscious brother understands his place in the world and our community.

 Until then, check out the cartoon below. Talented designer and cartoonist Rajan Sedalia, who created it, will bring his biting visual commentary on different topics  every week to this blog.

Are you gay or lesbian or are you close to a gay or lesbian person? What are your views on homosexuality? Should our community be more accepting of it”? Hit the “comments” tab above and speak your mind.

Make sure you check out “Meet the Faith” every Sunday at 11 a.m.  and 10 p.m. (ET/PT) for “Meet the Faith,” America’s weekly roundtable tackling all the big issues facing Black America